Watch Out Tiger!

Quite a few weeks ago, while my parents were away at the lake, my brother and I ditched church and went golfing. Ok, let me rephrase that. In order to "ditch church" I'm implying that we have both been going regularly, which we weren't. Bad! I know. I'm back on track. I don't know why I ever stopped going. Oh, I know, laziness. But I digress...

So we went golfing! We went to St. Stanislaus way out in the middle of nowhere. I had just recently started golfing again. And I was doing good. At least at River Oaks I was doing good. Chris and I choose not to keep score. Thank goodness!

So here I am. Posing by my borrowed clubs. It's a really nice set.
And I'm up to bat, scratch that, I'm up to "tee off". And she swings...
Ladies and gentlemen we have contact! And I think I remember getting air under that ball! I know. I'm awesome. I'm good at getting air. "Getting the ball up" as my Wed/Thur group says. Yeah, we play dirty...
What did I learned during this golf outing with Chris.

1. Wear a hat! I ended up with a sunburn stripe where my hair parted while pulled up.
2. Learn how to use the clubs. I stuck with the same wood, club, driver! that's what it's called. And I always came up short of the green. Well, if you use a different driver it will adjust the distance the ball goes based on the angle or weight, or something a rather.
3. Those pants aren't as flattering as I thought.
4. Neither is that gut. I really need to work on that! Accountability people. Ask me everyday if I've done my 1,389 crunches for the day.
   

But I'm a golfer now. So, ah, Tiger. It's on! You, me, and the green. I'll pick the place, you just better show up!

Mr. Right Rejection Form Letter

Dear (____rejectee's name here____ ),

I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further contention as my Mr. Right.

As you are probably aware, the competition was exceedingly tough and dozens of well-qualified candidates such as yourself also failed to make the final cut. I will, however, keep your name on file should an opening become available. So that you may find better success in your future romantic endeavors, please allow me to offer the following reason(s) you were disqualified from the competition:

[Check all those that apply]

___ Your breasts are bigger than mine.

___ Your last name is objectionable. I can't imagine taking it, hyphenating it, or subjecting my children to it.

___ The fact that our finest dining experience to date has been at McDonald's reveals a thriftiness that I find unappealing.

___ Your inadvertent admission that you "buy condoms by the truckload" indicates that you may be interested in me for something other than my personality.

___ You failed the 20 Question Rule, i.e., I asked you 20 questions about yourself before you asked me one.

___ Your legs are skinnier than mine. If you can FIT into my pants, then you can't GET into my pants.

___ Your "Putting on a few, aren't you babe?" comment, given the 9-months pregnant size of Your Own beer gut, was inappropriate.

___ You failed the credit check.

___ I find your inability to fix my car extraordinarily unappealing.

___ The fact that your apartment has been condemned reveals an inherent slovenliness that I fear is unbreakable.

___ The phrase "My Mother" has popped up far too often in conversation.

___ You still live with your parents, and attending night classes to get your High School diploma, are slight negatives.

___ You mention your ex-wife's name more than you mention mine.

Now used for back up

Remember my post about the Kiss Me Mint toothpaste? Well, I can't stand it anymore. It's horrible to brush your teeth. I've replaced it. Gone back to my started Arm & Hammer Brilliant Sparkle.

Kiss Me Mint has been thrown to the back of the drawer. It is now purely backup. Or maybe I'll pull it out when company is staying over. Yea... I'll make them use it.

Stacey can testify though. The stuff was not the pleasant experience you'd expect when brushing your teeth. Right, Stacey?

All I can say is this, who ever thought that strawberry mint flavor for toothpaste would be a big hit is DUMB. They need to be fired. Back to the drawing board.

Belch. I get the shivers just thinking about it. Blah.

Quote of the Day

When we are no longer able to change a situation — we are challenged to change ourselves.

— Victor E. Frankl

You are Worth It

Do not undermine your worth

By comparing yourself with others.
It is because we are different
That each of us is special.

Do not set your goals
By what other people deem important.
Only you know
What is best for you.

Do not take for granted
The things closest to your heart.
Cling to them as you would your life,
For without them,
Life is meaningless.

Do not let your life
Slip through your fingers
By living in the past
Nor for the future.
By living your life one day at a time,
You live all the days of your life.

Do not give up
When you still have something to give.
Nothing is really over
Until the moment you stop trying.
It is a fragile thread
That binds us to each other.

Do not be afraid to encounter risks.
It is by taking chances
That we learn how to be brave.

Do not shut love out of your life
By saying it is impossible to find.

The quickest way to receive love
Is to give love;
The fastest way to lose love
Is to hold it too tightly.

Do not dismiss your dreams.
To be without dreams
Is to be without hope;
To be without hope
Is to be without purpose.

Do not run through life
So fast that you forget
Not only where you have been,
But also where you are going.

Life is not a race,
But a journey
To be savored
Each step of the way.

Random Fact

A 'jiffy' is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.

Golf Partners

Once a week, for the past 2 or so months, a group of us leave work early. We leave work, clubs loaded and ready to whack a little white ball around a big mowed lawn. It's fun! We make rules up as we go, we try to teach one another, we share our frustrations, and we are always happy if we make par on at least one hole.

Let me introduce you to my work buddies. Not only do I eat lunch with them just about every day, but I also golf with them.

Angie...
Angie position is Admin Assistant for Operations, all operation departments for Hilmar Cheese. She's got a big position. And she does it well. I found out a month or so ago that Angie and I grew up around the corner from each other in Winton. Small world!Tamara...
Tamara is the Food Safety and Sanitation Supervisor for Cheese. That means that she goes around the 3 cheese plants on a uber regular basis and audits them. When Tamara moved desks and became 'trailer trash', I moved to her desk...right next to where my old desk was. Tamara is the mother of 2 teenage boys. She's a fun gal!
Devon...
Devon is the baby of the group at a young 26. She is the Cheese Lab Supervisor, and she plays with FT machines all day. I think. Devon is a kick in the pants! Working at Hilmar Cheese is a family goal of theirs. Actually, Angie is Devon's assistant...and her brother. Devon is my Friday going out buddy. Or my shopping buddy. Or my talk about internet dating companion.
Eek! Who's that?
So Wednesday or Thursday afternoons, you'll find me at River Oaks in Ceres. Normally we golf the top 9. This past week we golfed the bottom 9. The bottom 9 kicked my butt!

Quote of the Day

You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.

— Franklin P. Jones

Fitting... as I have none!

What Women Need to Know: 20 Things Men Find Irresistible

Listen up, ladies! Men love it when you:

1. Have the ability to tease, be playful and take a joke
2. Know that men are not, in fact, from Mars, and women are not from Venus
3. Wear our T-shirts and boxers
4. Call us out of the blue (if we're dating; not if we're practically strangers)
5. Kiss creatively
6. Have a social conscience and enjoy a good debate
7. Have an easy-going attitude about watching or participating in athletic events occasionally
8. Are comfortable leading the whole way in bed
9. Ask for advice about non-stereotypically male stuff (yes, guys usually know what CD player to buy, but we like to be taken seriously about other things too)
10. Are charming and thoughtful to his mother
11. Can hold up your hair using only a pencil
12. Are sexy and smart at the same time -- for example, you do the Sunday crossword wearing a pair of flirty pajamas
13. Have the ability to remind us what gifts you like, without implying an obligation
14. Have a spirit of independence, but one that doesn't make the man in your life feel unnecessary
15. Know the difference between flirting and just "being friendly"
16. Eat a big meal and fearlessly order dessert
17. Take naps next to us
18. Send us flowers (believe it or not, men like getting flowers, too!)
19. Know what you want
20. Know what you want to do

THE BIBLE IN 50 WORDS

God made
Adam bit
Noah arked
Abraham split
Joseph ruled
Jacob fooled
Bush talked
Moses balked
Pharaoh plagued
People walked
Sea divided
Tablets guided
Promise landed
Saul freaked
David peeked
Prophets warned
Jesus born
God walked
Love talked
Anger crucified
Hope died
Love rose
Spirit flamed
Word spread
God remained.

Driving Ms. Daisy

Who remembers about a month ago when I had to drive my Great Aunt Dee down to my aunt's house in Riverdale? Did I tell you guys about it? I don't remember quite honestly.

But anyway, about a month ago my Great Aunt Dee was visiting all of her nieces and and great nieces and nephew in California. It was my family's turn to host Aunt Dee, but Mom was catering in the Fresno area. Since Dad and I both work during the day and couldn't entertain Aunt Dee, I had the pleasure of driving her to my Aunt Boo's house where Mom was staying the night.

What was waiting for me after my 1 1/2 hour drive that felt like 4 hours...? Family. Family that I love.

Like this guy. Coleman. Paige's boyfriend of ... about 2 years.
And all these people... Aunt Dee, Mom, Breanne, Aunt Boo, Tricia, and Paige (started in one corner and worked my way around). Notice the bottles of wine...? Yea, I had a glass once I got there. I needed it!
That there, that's Aunt Dee. She's my maternal grandma's sister. She lives in Minnesota and has one grandchild. So we're kinda like her grandchildren too...without receiving lots of presents at Christmas.
So Paige, the enology major, tried all the wine that was corked... I think she tried all of them twice. Can't say I've ever seen my sister tipsy, ok, drunk until that night.

And what did we do after dinner? Well, watched Michael Phelps swim of course.

And then I drove home to be at work the next morning. I was dragging.

But I love my family.

Quote of the Day

First keep the peace within yourself, then you can also bring peace to others.

— Thomas A Kempis

TWO ADDITIONS TO THE PERIODIC TABLE OF ELEMENTS

Element Name: WOMANIUM
Symbol: WO
Atomic Weight: (Don't even go there) Physical Properties: Generally soft and round in form. Boils at nothing, and may freeze at any time. Melts when treated properly. Very bitter if not used well.
Chemical Properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong affinity with gold, silver, platinum and precious stones. Violent when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed next to a better specimen.
Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known.
Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands.

Element Name: MANIUM
>Symbol XY
Atomic Weight: (180 50)
Physical Properties: Solid at room temperature, but gets bent out of shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample due to rust, aging samples are unable to create electricity.
Chemical Properties: Attempts to bond with any WO any chance it can get. Also tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when mixed with KD (Element: CHILDIUM) for prolonged periods of time. Neutralize by saturating with alcohol.
Usage: None known. Possibly good methane source. Good samples are able to produce large quantities on command.
Caution: In the absence of WO, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell.

Fun Answering Machine Messages

Ring, Ring: The number you have xxx-xxxx (your number) has been changed, the new number is xxx-xxxx (again, your number).

Listen and Follow

Have you ever just known something? Something that you feel is completely God giving direction? How do you respond? What do you do? Of course you're supposed to listen and follow. But what if you're afraid?

I'll tell you what, I am totally feeling led by God. He's giving me direction. And hope. And a future. And I want to follow. I want to go where God is leading me, and do what he wants me to do. But I know that by following, I'll have to make sacrifices in my life. Big sacrifices. Lots of sacrifices. But in the end, it'll all be worth it. Because in the end, I'll be following God's will.

“‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declared the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future’” (Jeremiah 29:11).

With feeling God's leading, I have to have faith and trust. Faith that He will be with me and never give me more than I can handle. Trust that everything will be ok. I have to trust that He won't give me more than I can chew. And I have to have faith that what He is doing, where he is sending me, will be pleasing to Him. Something that I have a strong desire to do and be, a desire that is God given.

Please pray for me during this time. Pray for God's direction in my life. Pray that it'll be a easy transition. And pray that in all that I do I will be holy and pleasing to God.

With time, I'll reveal more about what God is doing in my life. It's scary. And it's exciting. It's a lot of emotions. But in the mean time, please pray.

I like prayer warriors!

Back in the Saddle

It's been awhile since I've helped my parents cater. But when duty calls, I must answer. And duty called a couple weeks ago.

And since I'm a goon that loves her new camera, even though I totally don't know how to use all the features yet, I brought my camera with me so I could play.

Here is a sampling of photos.

Great depth of field. I really like this picture for some reason.

Mr. BBQer for the night. He was roasting some weenies, sausages, whatever you want to call them. It was a hot day. Can you tell by the redness on Chris' face? I'll tell you. I think I drank like 6 bottles of water and never once went to the bathroom.

Some lovely models. We have Abby, DeEtte, and Mom. Abby is Kaitlin's best friend. She goes to Purdue in Indiana. She was gone all summer in England. This job was the first time I saw her. And she flew out the next morning to return to school. DeEtte is our star caterer helper bee. She's great. She tells great stories. And she's funny to boot! And Mom. I love Mom.

Mom, I love you!
Yum... dessert... These are the peaches that caused the Peach Sorbet that I made.

And the star of the whole show... the tri-tip. Need I say more?

Everybody, please welcome the newbie, Katy. Katy comes to us via Colleen, Chris' girlfriend. Katy is Colleen's sister. Welcome Katy. Your spunkiness will be a great addition to the team!
Now you've seen a bit of the catering world.

Now, next time, maybe I'll actually do some work and not take so many blasted pictures!

September Quiz Answers

1. Yes - they also have a 3rd of July, a 2nd of July, etc...
2. One a year.
3. All months have (at least) 28 days.
4. The beggar is the woman's sister.
5. Because he is living.
6. 6 - 3 per side.
7. No - the man would be dead.
8. They are not playing each other.
9. 70 - 30 divided by .5 is 60.
10. White - the bear would be a polar bear, because the house must be at the North Pole.
11. 2 - you just took 2 apples.
12. A fifty cent piece, and a nickel - one is not a nickel, but the other one is.
13. Light the match first.
14. Half way - then he would be running out.
15. One hour - the first one, a half hour later, and another one a half hour after that.
16. 9 - all but 9 die.
17. None - Moses was not on the ark.
18. He weighs meat.
19. 12.
20. Same as it is now.
    
21. None - it's a hole.
    

Quote of the Day

Whenever you see darkness, there is extraordinary opportunity for the light to burn brighter.

— Bono

September Quiz

1. Do they have a 4th of July in England?
2. How many birthdays does the average man have?
3. Some months have 31 days; how many have 28?
4. A woman gives a beggar 50 cents; the woman is the beggar's sister, but the beggar is not the woman's brother. How come?
5. Why can't a man living in the USA be buried in Canada?
6. How many outs are there in an inning?
7. Is it legal for a man in California to marry his widow's sister? Why?
8. Two men play five games of checkers. Each man wins the same number of games. There are not ties. Explain this.
9. Divide 30 by 1/2 and add 10. What is the answer?
10. A man builds a house rectangular in shape. All sides have southern exposure. A big bear walks by, what color is the bear and why?
11. If there are 3 apples and you take away 2, how many do you have?
12. I have two U.S. coins totaling 55 cents. One is not a nickel. What are the coins?
13. If you have only one match and you walked into a room where there was an oilburner, a kerosene lamp, and a wood burning stove, which one would you light first?
14. How far can a dog run into the woods?
15. A doctor gives you three pills telling you to take one every half-hour. How long would the pills last?
16. A farmer as 17 sheep, and all but 9 die. How many are left?
17. How many animals of each sex did Moses take on the ark?
18. A clerk in the butcher shop is 5'10" tall. What does he weigh?
19. How many two-cent stamps are there in a dozen?
20. What was the President's name in 1950?
21. How much dirt is in a hole 3 feet wide by 5 feet long by 4 feet deep?
    

Yosemite Hike

Ok, I'm behind! I know this! I'm a slacker!

I apologize. I've been a little preoccupied with a guy in Alaska. So shoot me!

A few weeks ago I went to Yosemite. It's been a few years since I've been. And although it was mid-August and the falls were all dried up, it was still beautiful.

And of course, I had my new baby with me to capture what I saw. And now I'm going to share a sampling of that with you!

2 of my hiking buddies, Devon and Adlena. Notice how wide eyed and bushy tailed they were? Fast forward 6 hours... not so wide eyed and bushy tailed.

Tamara and Devon examining the map of the trail we were trying to hike. I don't know how closely we really did follow that trail. I'm a bit skeptical.Umm, cool tree. Not sure what the point of this picture was.
Who knew that on our 15 mile hike, that was really closer to 10 miles, we'd run into a bamboo type plant.
Who can name this famous landmark? You win brownie points if you can! Who wants to climb it? Yea, ok, have fun. I'll be in the Awanhee sipping tea and reading the paper.
We stopped to rest about, um, 2/3s of the way through the hike. There was a nice little stream. The water was freezing. Of course, the shoes came off and I put my feet in the water. I'm going to guess it was about 23 degrees, but it was probably closer to 50 degrees.
Cool refreshing water. It was a toasty day. I was sweaty. I really wanted a shower. But alas, it would be hours before that would happen.
Look how clear that water is. We would have loved to sit on the beach side, but there was a couple already there. We probably disrupted their quiet time together. Oh well! Suckers!
So, by the time we ate lunch, it was almost 4pm. Some lunch that was, more like linner. Or would it be dunch.

Maybe luper. Or sunch.

All in all, it was a good day.

And the shuttle was my friend at the end of the day.