5 Ways to Scare a Guy Away

Apparently I'm good at this one without even reading the article.  1)  Breathe.  2)  Versatile (aka, good at many things).  3)  Independent.  4)  Smart/Educated.  5)  ok, I can't think of a 5th for me.  But let's see what e-harmony has to say about what the 5 ways to scare a guy away are...

There may be 50 ways to leave your guy, and there are almost that many ways to send him running.  So let's focus on the 5 that will having him saying, "Check please!"

1. Those Three Little Words
   Timing is everything, even while it's clear that men like to hear that you love them.  So, you may be excited to have finally found someone you're compatible with, try to rein in the desire to blurt out that you've totally fallen for him for at least a couple months.  Say it during the first few dates and his mind will process those three words into one...psycho.  He needs time to process what he's feeling about you, and you both need time for infatuation to settle into something more real.
   My trick, wait until he says it first.  Although it's hard to hold your feelings in, there are other ways to show it without saying it.  When he's ready, he'll tell you.
2. Cracking Knuckles and other Manly Moves
   Even though the days of women casting coy smiles from behind paper fans may be long gone, guys still appreciate a little femininity in his potential love match.  So, while those tricks where you crack open a beer bottle with your teeth and burp the alphabet are impressive, you should think about promoting your gentler qualities in a relationship's early stages.  He's not looking for the return of the Victorian values, but he'd probably like to think he could beat you in a Jager shoot-out or an arm wrestling match.
   Not a problem here.  Sure, I can take shoots with the best of them, but that doesn't mean I do.  Hello, I'm a lady, I have a reputation to keep.
3. Going Bridal
   Ok, so we know that one day you'd like to get married, but there's an order to these things, and subscribing to the bride and wedding magazines and studying diamond cuts before you've even met a guy is classic carat-before-horse territory.  When he turns up at your place and sees a bookshelf full of dog-eared bridal magazines and your computer's homepage set to The Knot, he's likely to suddenly get very busy at work.  Wanting to get married to a man you love is one thing, trying to fit a mysterious anybody into your wedding-day fantasy is another.
   The stack of magazines I do have, purchased during my college days when I actually thought "my big day" would be soon there after, are hidden in a closet.  :)
4. Hey Kids, Meet your New Daddy
   In our fractured world men know that the chances of meeting and falling for a single mom are significant.  For many it's an instant no-no, and if that's your situation it's best to be up front.  However, for those men that aren't put off by the first mention of Junior, they'll still be walking into the situation one tentative step at a time, and telling him too early what a great daddy he's going to make your kids will make him break out in a cold sweat.  So while ultimately you're a package deal, and it's important that he knows that, let him get to know you first.  Once you feel that your relationship has had a chance to establish itself, then gently introduce the little one(s).  Just remember, initially he's not going to be as in love with them as you are, so give him a chance to establish a relationship with them too.
   Does this count with a dog?  "New Dude, this is my dog, she's like my daughter.  I just spent way too many zero's on her to keep her healthy and alive.  By the way, if she likes you, you've passed the test."
5. My Ex was a Psycho/My Ex was the Greatest
   We get it, you have an ex-boyfriend...or five or more.  Guys know this, but there are telltale signs when this could be a problem for us.  First is when you go all glassy-eyed at the mention of his name, worse if the subject comes up after we noticed it tattooed on your wrist.  He may have been a master surgeon with rock-solid abs and a second home in Hawaii, but the new guy would rather not know too much about it if it's all the same with you, as they know we'll never compare.  They also understand that the ex may have tormented you emotionally/slept with your sister/kidnapped your dog, but that just makes the new guy wonder one thing:  why'd you go out with him for so long?  It doesn't speak highly of your selection process, and ergo why you've chosen the new dude.  Everyone has a past, let's just keep it there.
   It's best to just keep mum about exes.  If it ended badly, you don't want to resurface any harsh feelings.  Or visa versa, new guy doesn't want to live in the shadows of ex perfect guy.

Want more information, visit e-harmony's article.

*To my Asian reader who keeps trying to leave a comment - I don't know what your comment says, so I am not publishing it.  If you would like it published, please comment in English.  Otherwise I will continue to assume it is spam.  Thank you.

Dating Dilemma

Are you the perfect match - except for one not-so-little thing...?  The issue here is not about trying to find someone perfect - and a good thing, since there's no such person on the face of the earth.  The issue is about you being clear about what shortcomings in a partner you can live with and which you can't.

You're dating someone who is right in so many ways, but wrong in one significant way.  Perhaps it's a personal habit that drives you crazy:  total lack of manners at mealtime or constant interruptions while you're trying to talk.  It could be a character issue that signals trouble:  drinking too much but shrugs it off as "no big deal" or pouting and sulking to get their way.  Whatever it is, you wonder if this "fatal flaw" might kill the relationship.  What should you do?  Well, maybe you should ask yourself these questions...

Is this a learned behavior that can change or a personality trait that probably won't?
Everyone has a bad habit or two that can be beat with willpower, accountability, and encouragement.  But relatively minor irritations are in a different category than ingrained personality traits, which are usually difficult (and sometimes impossible) to change.  Clearly identify which types of issues you're dealing with - one that's possible to modify or one that will likely stay the same.

Does this shortcoming appear on your must-have or can't-stand lists?
If you have carefully identified the ten things you can't live with and the ten things you can't live without, then these lists should serve as a screening process.  And if your partner's flaw shows up, this could be a clear signal that this person isn't right for you.  That may sound cold hearted, but what good are your must-haves and can't-stand lists if nonnegotiable items become negotiable?  What's more, we can only imagin the number of divorces or troubled marriages that involve people who thought, "This one thing really bothers me, but it'll go away."

Is this a fault you are willing to live with?
Making plans for a long-term relationship with someone you assume will change is a recipe for trouble.  Sure, people grow and improve, but you should not base your future happiness on the assumption that your partner will be able to (or want to) change enough to satisfy your wishes.  Of course, you may ultimately decide that you can live with your partner's fault, but in doing so you're making a deliberate, conscious choice.

So are you going to do?  Do you already have your 10 can't-stand and 10 must-have lists?

This information is brought to you by eharmony.

7 Habits of Highly Effective Singles

The bad news, lots of singles want to know the "secret" to being a successful and popular dating partner.  Of course, there isn't a formula for creating world-class charisma, there isn't a pill that will give you a magnetic personality, and there is no magic wand to make you instantly irresistible.

The good news is that dating success comes from consistently incorporating positive attitudes and actions into your lifestyle.  These are "healthy habits" that ensure you become the most attractive person possible - and boost your chances of finding a fantastic partner!  So let's start with these productive practices...

1. Keep growing and moving foward.  There is something enticeing about people who have identified their purpose in life, work hard to cultivate their abilities, and have goals they're moving towards.  And when people are passionate about where they are going in life, we want to go with them.
2. Be proactive, not passive.  Many men and women want love, a relationship, and marriage - but they don't do much to make it happen.  (guilty!)  If you want to find a partner, you've got to be proactive and persistent.  Patience may indeed be a virtue, but when it comes to finding the love of your life, so are guts and gumption.
3. Step out of your comfort zone and take risks.  Some people have no problem meeting, greeting, and forming new relationships.  Others have a much tougher time pushing themselves "out there" socially.  They/You/Me must summon courage, swallow anxiety, and plunge into social settings.  If you tend to be reserved (guilty!) and restrained, there's no point in trying to remake yourself into an outgoing, life-of-the-party type.  Be who you are, but be prepared to push yourself.
4. Accentuate your God-given assets.  Everyone has strengths and weaknesses that they bring to a potential relationship.  The trick is to maximize your assets and minimize your liabilities.  Look for ways to develop and utilize your talents, and try hard to curtail your shortcomings.  The aim isn't perfection, the aim is to reach your full potential.
5. Operate from a position of strength and security.  Self-confidence is contagious, and self-assurance is highly attractive.  You'll boost your odds of finding a partner if you become convinced deep down that you have a lot to offer.  Believe the best about yourself and your future.
6. Become a skilled communicator.  There is an art to communication.  And these days it's largely a forgotten art.  The most average-looking person can be wildly attractive by becoming adept at listening, empathizing, asking questions, and making the other person feel completely understood and accepted.
7. Remain steadfastly optimistic.  Not only are upbeat, hopeful people more enjoyable to be around, but they also make for far better romantic partners over the long haul.  Dozens of research studies have demonstrated that positive people are likely to achieve more goals, handle stress more wisely, overcome depression more quickly, and manage problems with far greater effectiveness.

So what have you learned?  Maybe that you don't need to rely on luck or an elusive secret.  Or that maybe when you have sound, sensible guidelines to live by you can count on dating success.

eHarmony

How to Get Out of Friendzone

I'm one of those people that just about always has a crush on some poor dude.  It's a natural thing to crush on someone, right?  (Although, surprisingly, right now I'm actually not crushing.) Having a crush on someone is fun (the thrill of the unknown, butterflies in your stomach when he calls, emails, smiles at you), but it's also stressful. Not knowing if the object of your crush returns your affections.

Before you let yourself fall any harder for your crush, evaluate the situation and pick a course of action. Do you want to keep your feelings a secret, forever concealing unanswered love/lust in hopes that he'll one day look at you, profess his undying devotion, and offer you a happily ever after proposition? (What's wrong with that?) Or do you want to remove yourself from the Friend Zone, changing the limbo status in hopes of at least finding out where you stand? As scary as that second scenario sounds, it's the one to choose. After all, you deserve to know if your feelings are shared. If not, you deserve to let go and move on.

Signs He May Be Into You
Before taking the plunge and confessing to your crush, you should probably assess your current relationship status for signs that he might be into you. Ask yourself the following:

• Do you regularly spend a lot of time together? (If so, that's promising!)
• Have you met his circle of friends? (If not, why not?)
• Does he make a point to make plans with you? (Or is he more of a last-minute/spontaneous kind of guy? If so, uh-oh!)
• What does his relationship past tell you about his ability or lack thereof to commit? (You do the math.)
• Do you discuss your current love lives? (If he's telling you about all the other girls he's dating, beware - possible player alert!)

By answering those questions, you may just get an indication of how your crush really feels about you. If it's clear he's just not that into you, it might be wise to permanently park your interest and keep things platonic. At the very least, it would be a good idea to stop making more out of your friendship than there actually is. But if all signs point to maybe, you owe it to yourself to find out if he's into you.

Hope for the Best, Prepare for the Worst
Before you confess to your crush, you need to mentally and emotionally prepare yourself. Just as it's possible that he might be harboring romantic feelings for you, it's equally possible that he might not share the same affections. You need to be able to handle that news with dignity - at least until you're in the privacy of your own home.

You need to figure out the best way to confess to your crush. If you're not ready for a face-to-face conversation, try another real-time approach like calling him on the phone. Texting, emailing, IMing, or posting a message on his fave social networking site are all available options but not recommended. After all, his response could take hours, days, or weeks, depending on how he feels.

Once you've decided where and how you'll confess your crush, you need to figure out what you're going to say. Possible openers include…
"I have a confession. I've kind of been crushing on you for awhile. Is that crazy?'
"Remember the other night when we hung out? I kinda wanted to kiss you goodnight..."
"OK, here's the deal. I have this crush on you. Any chance you're crushing on me?"

Regardless of what or how you say it, you should make your confession as concise as possible, giving your crush plenty of time to adjust to the news and react. If he needs time alone to let the news sink in, give him  space; don't pester him to respond before he's ready. And definitely don't call, email, or text your crush afterward to check up on him. You've done your part. Now it's up to him to make the next move.

If your crush returns your affections, congratulations! The two of you are now free to decide how you would like to move forward. If for some reason he doesn't share your romantic feelings, that's perfectly okay, too. By addressing the unknown, you've freed yourself from limbo and are now ready, willing, and able to get on with your life, including eventually meeting someone amazing who will love and adore you for the fabulous woman that you are. 

What Comes Next
Chances are good that by confessing your feelings to your crush, your relationship will in some way change. Whether it makes you closer as platonic friends or lovers who fall head over heels for one another, or sends you off in separate directions, is unknown. What's most important is to face whatever truth presents itself, and to do what's best for you as a result. When faced with rejection, sometimes the best remedy -- at least initially - is to distance yourself from your crush until your heart heals. In the meantime, surround yourself with true-blue friends who can love and support you unconditionally.

Crush or no crush, remember this: If you were strong enough to confess your feelings, then you're definitely resilient enough to handle any other challenges and obstacles that come your way.

Article from eharmony.com

New Uses for Old Things

I love a useful tip just like the rest of 'em.  So here's a handful that hopefully you'll find useful too.

• Repurpose an old frame for a vanity tray that’s pretty as a picture. Place a piece of colored paper or fabric inside as a finishing touch. (Very shabby chic!)
• A Twister game mat makes a spot-on tablecloth for a child’s birthday party: Sticky spills and icing wash right off.
• At a party, stash ice in a colander set on top of a bucket or a bowl. Water will drain out, and guests will get only the solid stuff.
• Stop searching high and low for hair clips and elastics: Store them tidily on an empty TP tube.
• Pick up interesting cardboard coasters at restaurants and bars you visit along your travels. Punch a hole near the edge, thread some ribbon through, and voilà: homemade gift tag.
• Chalk is a moisture absorber: Tie up a few pieces in cheesecloth and store them with your good silver to slow any tarnishing.
• Vegetable oil will put a shine on leather shoes. Use a damp cloth to remove any dirt, then run a soft cloth with a drop of oil over the surface to (literally) add polish.
• Transform a six-pack holder into a condiment tote that’s ideal for summer picnics.
• Forget unruly plastic bags that seemingly regenerate under your sink. An empty tissue box keeps them neatly corralled and ready for use.
• A giveaway shower cap becomes the perfect wrapper for shoes when traveling, preventing them from dirtying clothes packed in your suitcase.
• Brand anything as yours―books, binders, Tupperware, a stapler―with a return-address sticker. (Use all those free ones you get in the mail!)
• A clever way to keep straight whose drink is whose: Mark each glass with removable window decals.
• A supermarket bag, tightly secured with a rubber band, will keep a brush (or roller) moist for a day or two in between painting sessions: the end of dried-out bristles.
• No more worries of camisoles and sundresses slipping off hangers when you wrap the ends with rubber bands.
• A binder clip serves as a key chain/money holder you can clamp to your waistband for a purse-free morning walk.
• Save a countertop with an old mouse pad turned trivet. (Make sure it has a nonplastic coating.)
• No more oops! moments when painting, if you cover doorknobs and hardware with aluminum foil. (This would have been good to know when I was painting antique doorknobs 2 years ago!)
• That straightening iron works on more than rambunctious hair: Use it to press between buttons, where a regular iron won’t fit.
• When traveling, eliminate clunky bottles for nonprescription meds from your purse by popping the pills into a contact-lens case. (Good idea!  I have about 15 spare contact cases floating around.)
• Who says a towel rack has to be the dedicated realm of, well, towels? Mounted over (or under) the kitchen sink, it can also hold a collection of cleansers.
• A clear hair elastic binds blooms together for a better arrangement in a wide-mouth vase. Stretch the elastic around the stems, then let the flowers fall naturally.
• Make no-mess pancakes with the help of a ketchup bottle: Pour in batter, then squeeze out precise portions.
• Why pack with Styrofoam peanuts when you can pack with popcorn (plain and air-popped). No air popper? Be sure to cover the item with a plastic bag. (Safe for the environment too!)
• Warehouse your shoes in an empty wine-bottle carton wrapped in pretty paper. (An excuse to buy more wine? OK!)
• An unused glasses case makes a convenient storage spot for beauty items on the go.
• A lemon works to remove tough food stains from a plastic or light-colored wood cutting board. Squeeze on the juice of one half, rub it in, and let sit for 20 minutes before rinsing.
• Slide bobby pins onto a hem to hold pleats in place as you iron them. (If only I ironed...)
• Change dirty water in a flower vase by using a turkey baster to suction up the liquid without disturbing your arrangement. Add fresh water directly from the tap.
• Silence cabinet doors that slam with cork sliced into thin disks and glued onto the inside corners.
• Give Easter eggs a year-round use (and save on resealable bags) by filling them with snacks like crackers or Cheerios. (I love fishes 'cause they're so delicious...)
• Cut down on the amount of potting soil needed by crumpling plastic bags to fill the bottom of a deep pot (just be sure that you don’t cover the drainage hole, if there is one).
• Organize bills―arranged in the order in which they need to be paid off―in an unused napkin holder.
• A paint chip strip makes a dandy place card: Cut off a length of two colors, then fold.
• Bridge the gap between too-short stems and too-deep vase by sliding on trimmed clear plastic straws.
• Shower-curtain hooks provide sturdy storage for heavier items, like purses.
• Attach a magnet to the inside of a metal medicine cabinet, and you can promptly pluck tweezers (or nail clippers) when needed. (Oh!  Good idea!  I'm always losing my tweezers.)

Got any good tips to share too?

Tips from Real Simple.

Making Room for Love

 Yes.  I want to find love.  I want someone to look for love and find me.  But maybe past relationship are prohibiting me from moving forward to the place I need to be.  I know about this, twice in the past year.  It's definitely been a growing experience; not necessarily a pleasant time, but needed.  So, maybe it's time I need to make room for love in my life.  So, once again, let's see what I can glean from an article...

1. Honesty - Every heard the saying "honesty is the best policy"?  When it comes to Exes, this doesn’t mean you need to tell them off or reminding them of what they did wrong, but the opposite. It’s being honest with yourself about the strange cocktail of emotions that a break-up can trigger.  If you’re unresolved in any way about your Ex, these underlying feelings can become unnecessary baggage in your dating life. Make an effort to be honest with yourself.
2.  No Fault Policy - Whether you feel like you were a victim or a volunteer with your Ex, it’s better not to place blame. The more fixated you are on getting even, proving a point, or feeling vindicated, the less available you are to nurture warm, fuzzy feelings for someone else. By lowering your pointer finger, you’ll find that you’re now free to hold hands with someone new. (ok, that was all taken word for word, maybe because, um, guilty!)
3. Clear Boundaries - When your boundaries are clear you can spend less time and energy protecting yourself. Draw lines in the sand with your Ex. Know your limits and be direct about what they are. Once you can do that you’ll be able to choose who gets under your skin and who stays at arm’s length.
4. Be Quiet - Talk less. Listen more. When you converse with your Ex, be willing to hear their requests and respond without getting defensive. If you can't talk it out, you may need to use email instead. It’s easier to be clear and to avoid engaging in go-nowhere, exhausting conversations in writing. Writing (and reading) information in an email prevents you from reacting. -Don’t push their buttons. -Don’t build your case. -Don’t say things that will incite arguments. You might miss love calling if you’re in a screaming match with your Ex.
5. A New Approach - Come on, if you keep playing the same old song you keep dancing the same old dance. If your interactions with your Ex keep producing the same unsatisfying outcome, for goodness sake, try a different approach. Prepare an alternative (dare we say better) way for handling your Ex.
6. False Intimacy Can be Dangerous - While you don’t need to be overly guarded, sometimes part of having clear boundaries is not letting your Ex get too close to you. Yes, that means physically (virtually impossible for me, thank goodness), emotionally, spiritually and financially. No, they cannot fix your sprinkler system anymore or tuck you in when you’re sick. Too much intimacy with an Ex can be confusing to everyone. It can reignite old feelings that were better left snuffed out (I couldn't agree more!). More than anything, it distracts you from giving someone, anyone, a chance.
7. Say Goodbye - Saying goodbye to an Ex might be the most obvious thing yet it’s often the least common thing people do. Don’t walk down memory lane anymore. Don’t revisit old wounds and hurts. Don’t reengage. If this person constantly reactivates bad feelings and brings out your worst self, it’s time to let them go for your sake as well as theirs. Just keep walking forward without looking back. (This is something I've had to do, I had to tell D that we couldn't be friends.  As much as he was a good friend, a dear friend, I just couldn't do it.  It was too hard to keep that line in the sand.)

You deserve a second chance. I deserve a second chance.  To truly create an opportunity to meet your new love you need to focus your energy on moving on. The love you’re looking for is ahead of you, not behind you. If you stay focused on the road beyond the windshield you’ll get there much sooner.

Read more here.

Surprising Uses for Your Dishwasher

I have a dishwasher.  Unfortunately, as one person, sometimes it takes a week to fill it full without running it half empty.  So I wanna know how else I can use my dishwasher.  Here's what I found...

Things you can put in the dishwasher:
Baseball caps get bent in the washing machine, but not in the dishwasher!  And use one of those ball cap washing contraptions.  But don't wash them with dishes unless you want food caught in the fibers.
Action figures and other small toys, that is, if you have children.
Shoes like flip flops and rain boots (remove liner, lay horizontally).  Not crocs though.  Good thing I don't own any.
Tools with plastic or metal handles.  Just remember to hand dry to avoid rusting.
Ceramic cabinet knobs do well in the silverware tray.
Hair brushes and combs made of plastic.  Not wooden or natural bristle brushes.  Remove hair first so you don't plug up the drain.
Fan grills, switch plates, and vent covers made of plastic, aluminum or steel.  Enamel, painted, or plated should stay out.
Shin guards, mouth guards, and knee pad can go on the top rack.
Garden tools, but if they were used with pesticides wash without dishes.  Also, they're a no go if they have a wooden handle.
Light-fixture covers are good to go on the top rack.  Use caution if they're antiques, painted or enameled.
Potatoes can get nice and clean on the top rack on the rinse cycle (without detergent). 

Things that really shouldn't go in the dishwasher:
Cast-iron, enameled-cast-iron, and cooper pots and pans are on the no no list.  Cast-iron rusts, enameled-cast-iron chips, and cooper dents.
Formal dishes and nice flatware can get worn with repeat washing.  Here's a rule of thumb, if it's something you'll cry over harming or losing, don't do it.
Crystal glasses because food particles can etch them and heat causes cracks.  And hand dry with a towel that wasn't laundered with a fabric softener, which can leave a film.
Wooden spoons can warp and crack.
Brass items because hot water can remove the protective layer that forms on brass.
Good kitchen knives and steak knives because they'll dull faster.
Wooden cutting boards can swell and contract leaving them unlevel. 
Insulated mugs and containers have vacuum seals which will be ruined if water seeps in.

Technically acceptable in the dishwasher, but too questionable to try:
Computer keyboard - Place the keyboard facedown on the top rack, don’t use detergent, and skip the drying cycle. Afterward, unscrew the back, if possible, or pop off the keys (take a picture beforehand so you remember where they go). Air-dry two to five days. Pray the Computer Fairy is looking down on you, then reassemble.
Broom ends (and dust pans, scrub brushes, and vacuum attachments) - Shake off the loose dust into the trash first.  Stick brushes and attachments in the silverware basket and broom ends and dust pans on top.

Salmon, but prepared for your dishwasher to smell like fish for awhile.

Real Simple

So what are you going to try...?

Men's Intuition

This is for all you single ladies.  Or me.  So you know when you're interested in someone one and you send them 'signs' or 'signals', well, have you ever thought about how guys read those 'signs' or 'signals'?  I have.  And based on my track record I'm guessing I've got it all wrong.  Wrong I say!  I'm queen of receiving mixed messages, or so I think I'm receiving mixed messages.  So let's learn a little about men's intuition, or how they read our/my/your signals...

The Eye Line - It begins with the eyes:  if you’ve looked across a crowded room and held his gaze for more than five seconds, he thinks you’re interested.  Even if it was unintentional, like he looked familiar or had something in his teeth, but you held his gaze, and that’s enough of a signal for him to think about making a move.  Men also take it as they see it: if you’re fully engaged in conversation with your friends and not giving any of yourself to the room, he’ll most likely to think you’re not interested and stay away.  Good news if you want him to stay away; less so if you were hoping he’d pluck up courage and come over to talk.

Body Talk - Guys are looking for signs of interest.  If you are interested, this is when it’s best to stop being too cool and follow some of the conventional rules of the flirting game.  It may seem totally obvious, but laughing at his jokes and smiling while he's talks are signals he can read loud and clear. Take it a little further, reach out to him physically; touch his hand lightly, place your face close to his (um, like how close...?), and widen your eyes when he’s talking:  these are all signs he’ll have no trouble reading. Watch out though, if your eyes are wandering, glazed over or just plain dead while he’s talking, that won't go unnoticed either.  Most men have felt the distance of a disinterested woman, and know when they’re on a losing streak. Not all give up when they do, but many (especially the good ones) will.

Conversation Matters - Men feel that women drop "codes" into their conversation, saying things without actually saying them.  For example, if you’re talking about how wonderful an ex was, that’s simply a red flag to him that you’re not over it.  If you talk about how much attention you get from men, he’s likely to read it as a signal to back off, that you’re telling him he’s out of your league.  Conversely, complain about a bad ex, or tell him how hard it is to meet interesting men, and that’s a signal for him to step up. Hopefully he won’t need too much encouragement to do so.

 

Hummm...  Interesting...  Thoughts?

To read the full eharmony article...

Looking and Feeling Your Best

 It's a new year.  New resolutions.  New goals.  New outlooks.  I'm right there too!  With a new year brings new hopes.  A sense of a refreshed start.

Every year one of my resolutions/goals is to 1) lose weight by 2) exercising more.  But here's my problem.  I don't like to exercise if it feels like exercise.  I can't just go to the gym or pop in a DVD, because that is exercising.  Give me a garden to weed (not my own though) or furniture to move and I'm in!  Because that doesn't feel like exercising.  So what are some other ideas or suggestions that I found?

1. Dance the night away - Yes, I admit, I'm totally jealous when I see the folks that are part of any of those dancing shows.  But for me personally, I have 2 left feet.  I even took ballroom dancing in college to try to get help.  It didn't help.  I can do a mean sprinkler move though, so I have that going for me.  But apparently, dancing is one of the best ways to burn calories, tone muscles, and feel incredible. Maybe I need to work on my lack of skill in the comfort of my own home.  With the blinds closed.
2. Take the long way home - No, that doesn't mean drive the long way home and waste expensive gas.  It means, walk to places that are within walking distance instead of driving.  I do this.  Sometimes at least.  I walk or jog the entire .3333 miles to the post office to get my mail.  And I take my little plump doggy too.  She needs it just as much as I do.  I haven't been brave enough to walk the 1/2 mile to work, only because it's down the busiest roads in town.  Scary!
3. Nature Calls - You know those perfectly beautiful days in the spring?  The days that you just yearn to be outside doing something since you finally can without freezing or the sun going down early.  Yea, so do that.  Go outside and do something.  Go hiking, walking, or whatever.  I'm pretty darn lucky.  2 hours from Yosemite, 2 hours from the ocean, 2 hours from San Francisco.  In 2 hours, I could be anywhere but home and walk around enjoying the scenery, different scenery.
4. Sporty Spice - As a kid, did you play any sports?  Or enjoy any physical activities?  Me you ask.  Sure...  There was that one year in 5th grade I played soccer.  I could kick a mean soccer ball, but I couldn't run around chasing it for the duration of the game.  And I ran cross country one season.  Then I realized I couldn't run the duration of the meet.  (See a trend here.  And why do I want to run a 5k?)  One thing I loved doing though, was roller blading.  In fact, I still have them and plan on pulling them out one of these days.  Here's some trivia for you, did you know you can burn 400 calories per hour fishing?  I know, crazy!

So there you have it.  Easy ways to get out and get moving.  By getting off the couch and moving those limbs can improve your fitness level, reduce stress and increase happiness.  So...what are you waiting for...?

For the full article go here.

5 Dating Rules you Should Never Break

IF I were dating, what are the rules?  What are the rules to dating?  What are the rules to finding dates?  What are the rules you shouldn't break?  Rules!

I need rules.  I need guidelines.  I need help and suggestions and advice.  

So, once again, let's see what my friends at eharmony has to say about this...

1. Listen to your Gut - Whether you're on a date or chatting elsewhere, pay attention to your instinct.  If alarms are going off from words or actions, pay attention.  
2. Pay Attention to Red Flags - Like those internal alarms that alert you to your gut feelings, you also have an alarm system to alert you to red flags. But more often than not, your alarm system is turned way down.  Paying attention to red flags as they are presented to you on dates.
3. Actions Speak Louder than Words - During the course of your dating life you will most likely find yourself on a date with someone whose actions speak much louder than their words. Maybe they’re attentive and chivalrous to you, but treat the waiter, bartender, and/or valet poorly.  To get the most out of your dating life, it’s important to understand that actions speak louder than words. When someone’s actions are contrary to their words, this is not only a red flag, it’s gut-check time. 
4.  Don't Play Games - What goes around comes around, right?  know the importance of being honest and well-intentioned with the people they date. As a successful single, you owe it to yourself and the individuals you date not to play games. Call when you say you’re going to call. Do what you say you’re going to do, and be honest when the other person asks if you’d like to go out again. 
5. Know When to Say "Game Over" - Just as you should not play dating games, you will want to avoid getting played. Like it or not, there are plenty of players on the dating scene. It’s up to you to know the signs of the player, know their game, and be confident enough to say “game over.” 

While there are no hard and fast dating rules, there are definitely guidelines to follow to make your dating life more enjoyable. By listening to your gut, paying attention to red flags, and understanding that actions speak louder than words, you cut down on wasted dating time. In doing so, you not only avoid getting played, but you also greatly increase your chances of relationship success.

It's a tough world out there.  The dating world that is.  So I'd say it's better to be prepared and to have a game plan rather than not.

For the eharmony article click here.

5 Ways Women Sabotage Their Relationships

Am I a saboteur?   I know I'm constantly trying not to sabotage my weight loss journey.  And sometimes I feel like I sabotage friendships.  Or maybe I manipulate...?  Either way, not good.  So, do I sabotage relationships too?  Well, let's see what eharmony has to say about how women sabotage their relationships...

1. You’ve refused to go out with a guy because he didn’t fit your perfect picture of Mr. Right.
   Is the guy you’re hoping to meet more myth than actual flesh and blood? If he is, then it’s time to think about the real guys you meet and how they might make you happy ever after without the fairy tale ending.  Ok, I'd like the opportunity to refuse to go out with a guy.  Seriously!  Sure, I know what I want in a guy, but in order to know if someone does or doesn't fit into what I'm looking for I first need to find someone to go on a date with and get to know.
   
2. You’ve judged a guy based solely on looks, and ignored the fact that he had a great personality.
   Great looks don’t last, but a caring man, who puts you first, might truly go the distance. A kind man who will be a faithful partner is the kind of happiness you can take to the bank. I'm not that shallow, but there needs to be some sort of instant attraction.  Right?
   
3. You have a pattern of getting into arguments with your significant other -- for no real reason.
   More often than not, the woman doing this habitually is experiencing a form of transference, in which you relive the wounds of past relationships. Remember this one simple rule, good endings help create good beginnings. If you take the time to heal those past relationship disappointments, there’s a good chance you’ll leave a lot of those needless arguments behind you. Um, guilty.  Doh!  How do I fix it and make it better?
   
4. You make fun of him or tease him about his passion for you.
   Most men are not Brad Pitt; that doesn’t mean they like to be reminded of their shortcomings in the area of romance. Bottom line: Never tell a man; instead, show him. Most men are rather inept in the art of intimacy and in truth are hoping to be taught. Think and show - not tell.  No comment.  Can't say I've had a problem with PDA before.
   
5.  You’ve left a relationship because it was easier than telling him how you really felt.
   Sure, it’s tempting at times to end rather than mend a relationship, but ask yourself this: Was that really the outcome you wanted? Relationships that go the distance ultimately rise and fall on trust. You can be loving and positive and still be honest. Sure it can be difficult to put your feelings out there; but if he indeed is Mr. Right, he’ll want to know, and most importantly, he’ll want you both to move forward as a couple. I'm the dumpee, never the dumper.  But I do know that I have trust issues, not just in dating relationships but also in friendship relationships.  I've been burned in the past and I'm afraid of getting burned again, so I error on the side of caution.
   

 There you have it, 5 ways women sabotage their relationships.  Sometimes it's good to hear the stuff that we don't want to hear.  Sometimes we do things without realizing, or we do realize but don't the the reasoning.  Reflect back on past relationship and try to figure out what happened, what went wrong, who was wrong.  (Ok, don't reflect back on that one, 'cause the other person is 99.9% of the time the wrong one, right?)

eharmony.com

If you're wondering why I keep posting all these eharmony articles, it's because for that fraction of a second that I had a paid membership I got put on their email list.  And apparently they still know that 1) I haven't found my soul mate, and 2) I need help!

Inside the Mind of the Single Guy

For all you single ladies, have you ever walked into a room full of (or with at least one) single guys and wondered "what's he thinking?"?  Well I have.  Many times I have.

So let's see what the pros say is "inside the mind of the single guy"...

• Real guys like real girls
  Just be yourself!  The first thing you need to know is that real guys like real girls. You shouldn’t pretend to be someone you’re not. Guys consider phoniness a huge turnoff.
• Independent women rule
  For the single guy, the great thing about being single is his ability to have a full and rewarding life independent of a relationship; so it’s important for you to have the same. Be strong, independent, and fully in love with your own fabulous single life.
• It's okay for you to make the first move
  There are single guys out there who might prefer that you make the first move. In fact, apparently a lot of guys report that they like it when a girl makes the first move. It lets them know she’s interested (and it’s a real confidence boost!). Just remember though, after you make the first move, leave the rest up to him. Guys want and need to be part of the delicate dating chase. If you do all the work, they’ll just stop chasing.
• Physical intimacy means different things to different people
  One very crucial thing to know about some single guys is that sex and intimacy can be two different things. Sleeping with someone does not necessarily mean they’re looking to get serious with her. If you’re taking your physical relationship to the next level, you might want to have a conversation first to make sure your intentions and his are clearly stated. (FYI, I do not support this bullet point or what it is implying)
  
• Most single guys are not marriage-minded
  The sooner you understand that most single men are not on the prowl for a wife, the easier it will be for you to relate to your date. Approach dating with the attitude that they just want to have fun and meet a variety of interesting people until they meet someone worth committing to.
• Commitment is not a bad word
  When the right girl does come along, most single men are comfortable committing. By taking their time and really getting to know the women they date, guys again have the right idea. Take a page from their dating playbook and just have fun dating and relating! That way, when you do meet someone truly special, you’ll not only know he’s The One, but you'll be ready, willing, and able to commit because you’ve successfully played the field.
  

So there you have it.  Insight (cliff notes version) straight from the sourse - the mind of a single guy (via this article). Next time you go out lookin' for a guy, try these tips and see if they work.

Then report back to me because I'm uber curious!

What Men Really Want

Want some more tips and advice?  Articles maybe?  I hope so, cause I'm cleaning out my inbox and am finding some good stuff in there! 

So what do men really want...?  This is the age old question that I'd like to know too...

1. Men Want Support
   Let him know you’re on his side, that you’re a team together against the world and all it can throw at you.
   
2. Men Want Admiration
   Admiration will make all his achievements seem a little more worthwhile.  Take an interest, understand the details, help him celebrate: the further he goes, the closer you’ll feel.
   
3. Men Want Humor
   ‘Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.’ -Victor Borge, and in difficult and good times alike, a couple that laughs together stays together.
   
4. Men Want Sociability
   Just because two have become one it doesn’t mean that the one has to sequester itself from the world.  He’ll want to show you off, admire you as you socialize with ease, know that he can throw you in any social situation – whether with friends, work colleagues or family - and you’ll at least try to go with it.
5. Men Want Freedom
   He loves you, he wants to be with you, he needs you – but you’re not glued at the hip and he does have interests outside of the relationship.  What makes him happy will ultimately make you happy.
   

Interested in the full article?  Visit it here through eharmony.com.

Finding Mr. Right

It's time for some useful advice for all you single ladies out there...or me.  Really it's for me, but I'm going to share it with you.  So here goes...

Evaluate Your Past
It's time to assess your past romantic relationships.  Ask yourself what worked and what didn't and the reasons for each of your past relationships.

You Can't Find Mr. Right Until You Love Yourself
Much of your worth will be derived externally, from the person you are dating; but true self-worth is internal.  Focus on what activities they like to do and develop that realm of your life. When you feel good about what you do you will feel good about who you are.

Decide What You Want in Mr. Right
Take the time to make a wish list of all the values and characteristics you would want in a partner, this list should include items you will not budge on.  When dating, continually ask yourself if your goals, interests and personal beliefs are in synch with the other persons. You shouldn’t have to compromise these items in an ideal mate.

When You Find Mr. Right, Don't Let Him Go
You can’t find Mr. Right if you are not looking.  Step outside your comfort zone, whether that be asking someone out on a blind date, asking friends to set you up or updating your online profile. When it comes to finding the person of your dreams sometimes you have to be the one to make the first move. If you begin to look for a good relationship with someone of character, you will find one.


From an eharmony email that landed in my inbox.  For more information, go here... Finding Mr. Right.

Just Maybe...

Ohhh...  Can it be? 

Looks like it! 

Look who can do something from el jobo again...  That's right!  Excitement is in the air!

In the meantime I thought I'd share with you a blog post from Big Mama,a blog I follow.

The Waiting is the Hardest Part of Waiting

Ummm...yea...  That's pretty much exactly what I needed to read/hear.

Can I get an AMEN!?!

The Secret to Finding...

I'm on a search, a quest you might say.  To find what you ask?  I'm on a mission to find the love of my life.  Of course it's all in God's hands and timing, but I can't sit around and wait for him to knock on my door.  So let's see what Mindy Weiss has to say about...

The Secret to Finding The Love of Your Life
There's no better way to put your best foot forward that to use your home as a backdrop for getting to know new people.  And how do you do that?  Throw a party!  Just make sure that you're throwing a party that designed to do two important things. 1) Make you appear to be a confident and charming host, and 2) attract single, fun and interesting people.

1. Don't Just Invite Anybody
   You need to invite a specific kind of person, and it may feel awkward the first time. That's okay. Important new steps are sometimes that way. For this party you're going to want to invite all the smart, fun, and interesting people you know with the phrase, "please come and bring someone single and fun."  
2. Don't Wait for the Weekend
   For weekend nights she recommends keeping it very simple - picking up some trays of food from the market, or grilling burgers.  Make sure you stress to your guests the casual nature of the event.  A weeknight party should be about unwinding from the day and relaxing.
   
3. Be Charming and Your Guest will Too
   Positive energy energizes people as they walk through the door.  One of the responsibilities and pleasures of being a host is the free pass to engage any guest with questions about his or her life. Take advantage of the situation, and get to know everyone who comes through your door. This is key because the easiest way to make a date with someone you don't know well is to discover some activity they enjoy.  
4. Make It Interactive
   Mindy is a big believer in potlucks. "There's nothing wrong or cheap with having a potluck!" She is also a big believer in themed events.  Themes or holidays can give you a great excuse for the party and can give attendees something to focus their food choices on. 
5. Don't Make it Feel Like Work
   One of the smartest things you can do is to recruit a couple of friends to help.  Make sure you have time to sit down, relax and be your best self.
   
6. Remember the Details
   Food:  If you are inviting people over for dinner, you need to make sure you have enough food.
   Parking:  People who drive around for 20 minutes looking to park aren't in a very good mood when they finally get to your place.
   Bathroom:  If you only have one bathroom, and personal items in there, empty it out.
   Decorations:  I would keep it simple.  I wouldn't overly decorate.  The idea is to come, make them feel at home, and meet people.
   
7. Build Your Momentum
   It works best when applied as a regular periodic event.  Try to host some kind of event in your home every couple of months at the least.  Each time you have people over and show them a good time, you're building a reputation as a person who is fun, imaginative and confident playing host - traits that make you more attractive to everyone who meets you.
   

To read more visit the article...

5 Traits that Bag a Boyfriend

From one single gal to the next, I'm passing on some friendly advice as found in an article online. So how does one bag a boyfriend? Let's find out, shall we...

1. You're just that into yourself
   Self-confidence!!! Get some, or guys are going to pass. Girls with low self-esteem come across as needy. And needy girls don't get the guy. How do you show that you're that girl? Don't promote yourself, but rather show your interest and curiosity in the guy.
2. You've got a burning passion...and not just for him
   Men are attracted to women with clear interests and lots of enthusiasm. Drop subtle hints on your latest adventure and project. The guy won't feel like he's completely responsible for your happiness, and he'll be more inclined to want to be part of your multifaceted life.
3. You know how to compromise
   This is one of the most important skills if you're looking for a long term relationship. Being flexible is a huge turn-on, it means less conflict. Prove you know how to compromise early on by letting him weigh in on the restaurant choice or not acting annoyed if he changes plans.
4. You dress for guys, not gals
   If you're not turning heads, it's because you're not dressing for the guys. Peasant tops and skinny jeans are all cute, but you might as well be wearing your flannel pajamas. Men want to see curves, so dress to accentuate. There is a fine line though, so don't cross it.
5. You're over your ex
   Before you get serious about starting a relationship with a new guy, make sure you're not hoping or trying for one with your old guy. No one wants to feel like their in an unwinnable competition; and if you're living in the past you won't truly be motivated to move on the the future and connect with new guys.

There you have it. 5 easy steps.

Now if only practicing were easier than preaching...

5 Steps to Running a Marathon for a Couch Potato

aka: ME!

Not only did I stumble upon this site somewhere on the web (can't remember), but my sister also sent me the link. Geez!

So 5 steps, eh?

Step 1: Drop the "jogging myth"
Jogging does count as running! Jogging is running!

Step 2: Slow down
Run (jog) at a comfortable pace so you don't get tired. This will help reduce the lactic acid build up in your muscles that causes soreness.

Step 3: Listen to your body
You want to maintain a certain heart rate. So pay attention to your breathing. Listen to your heart. How's your vision?

Step 4: Become a fat burner, not a sugar burner
You want to burn fat, slowly. Sugar burns up quickly. Imagine lighting a match, sugar is the head that flares up then dies. Fat is more like burning coal, slowly. Become a fat burner by consuming more good fats and less sugar.

Step 5: Believe!
If you truly believe you can do it, you will!

So who's ready to run a marathon???

Ok, maybe a 5k...?

The Dos and Don'ts of Text Message Flirting

We live in a texting world. So let's see what the web says about says about texting and flirting.

• Do say text me when you give out your number.
• Don't text just saying "hi".
• Don't purposely send him a "mis-text."
  
• Do text him back within 24 hours.
• Do ask him out over text. Wha???
• Don't kid yourself. If his texts are only after 10pm he's lookin' for booty.
• Don't TUI (text under the influence).
  
• Do use the phone on certain occasions.
• Don't go overboard with the abbreviations and acronyms.
• Don't send a sexy message before you are in an exclusive relationship.
• Do learn how to throw him into the friend zone.
  
• Don't text your ex.
• Do send a thank-you text post date, but if it was a great fireworks kinda date call him the next day to thank him.

And there you have it!

Go forth and properly text-flirt.

5 Types of Women that Men Avoid

Oh dang! Am I one of these loonies? Coleman read the title of the article on my computer and said that it's easy. The kind of women that men avoid are the crazy, crazy, and more crazy.

As I'm on this pursuit of finding my Mr. Right, I stumble across articles that I think might be helpful. And well, to be quite honest I want to know if I'm one of the types of women that men avoid.

Eek! What if I am?

So let's find out these types, shall we...

The Flirty-Bird - Basically this gal is great! At first... then it becomes apparent that she suffers from low self-esteem and gets the bulk of her confidence from flirting. And she flirts with everyone! Her boss, random people, the guy's brother...everyone. The guy will probably realize that it's too hard to get her to give him the time needed to date.

The Commitment-Phile - Girls, note to self, don't start talking about your wedding and the future you're going to have with your dude until after a few dates. Ok, more like many months of dating. The quickest way to scare a guy off is to talk about your future together, or not together, either way it's all planned out.

The Cling-On - No, she's not a trekker. The guy is her everything in terms of a social life. Wanting to know where her guy is always, calls him numerous times a day, relying on him for her entertainment. Girls, you're gonna drain your guy of all his energy by being clingy.

The Party Girl - Can this gal have fun without alcohol? Or without being the social butterfly at every party? If your entire life is a party you may want to re-evaluate.

The Windbag - Basically, this one talks to much. About herself. Never about her date. Shut up for once and ask questions drawing him in. For Miss Chatty Cathy there is no such thing as a two sided conversation. Silence is golden...

So there you have it!

I would say if I had to categorize myself, I'm a minor case of cling-on (like, really minnute) and a silent (it's all planned out in my head) commitment-phile.

So, what would you say you are?