Friday, June 20, 2008

The Stand Off

World War 3 almost happened in my front yard last night around 11:30. Oh boy, let me tell you!

I went out front. Yea, I know, why would I got outside at 11:30pm? Well, I was unpacking a Rubbermaid box, that I keep dumping miscellaneous stuff in, and I found a packet of wildflowers. I thought to myself, "Self, you watered earlier, maybe if you sprinkle them in your flower bed you'll get wildflowers." Notice I was just going to sprinkle them, not go through the motion of actually planting them. So I walked out my front door and was just about ready to walk down the steps to do the sprinkly bit, and a thing walked in front of the steps. Not run or scattered, but walked. Oh boy howdy, if it wasn't the mama possum of the murder victim from last week.

Oh and there was fire in her eyes! She was big and she was out for blood and avengance. She looked like an R.O.U.S. from The Princess Bride. Her hair raised up and she threated to bite my big toe if I stepped off the porch. So I threated back that I was gonna get my gun and end this once and for all! She didn't like that, she she ran and hid under my car. I yelled so more profanity and threated to get the gun. By now neighbors are turning their porch lights on and coming out in their bathrobes.

The mama possum didn't like this, so she ran across the street. Oh no, she's going after my parents! Straight to the barbecuer. Too back I couldn't just snap my fingers and ignite it. Toasted possum anyone?

I called my mom. Actually, I called the answer. I called my mom's answer. I called my answer. I called the house again...finally an answer! Mom wasn't too concerned that there is a possum wandering out by the catering barbecuer and wood pile. And dad wasn't home, no wonder the car was gone! I decided to wait. I didn't want dad to get out of the car and the vermin to attach his ankles. So I waited, and I waited, and after about a minute I got tired or waiting. From the top of the porch I sprinkled the seeds then quickly went back inside where I triple locked my front and back doors.

Until next time mama possum, you don't stand a chance. I'll sic my dogs on you, both of them! Riley has been teaching Izzie everything she knows about killing your kind!

Ok, now. Do you really believe all that? Truth of the matter this is what really happened...

Story about the seeds in the box is true. Seeing the possum is true. The not running part, true. Definitely walked, more like a waddle. The thing was walking one way across my yard right by the step, saw me, turned around and walked the other way where it hid under my car. My heart is now racing a two miles a minute and feels like it's going to leap out of my chest. I feared that the possum would sense my fear and take advantage of me. That S.O.B. of a thing!

After a couple minutes of me standing motionless on the porch, the thing decided to make a break for it and waddle across the street to the barbecuer/wood pile area. I did try calling the whole Montague clan that lives in Hilmar, and after the 4th call finally got someone. But mom couldn't help. Dad was delivering coffee to his crew at work (such a nice guy!). And my brother was gone (he's always gone).

I decided it was safe and the possum wasn't going to rush me from across the street. So I, while shaking, opened the seed packet (probably spilling half of them on the porch) and quickly tossed them into the garden.

I went back inside where my girls were anxiously awaiting my safe return. I told Riley, "Next time, she's all yours!"

Moral of the story. If you, or your dog, kills a possum's baby, she'll be back for revenge.

It's just a darn good thing I have vicious dogs that will protect me!

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