- Maternity leave would last two years...with full pay.
- There would be a cure for stretch marks.
- Natural childbirth would become obsolete.
- Morning sickness would rank as the nations #1 health problem.
- All methods of birth control would be 100% effective.
- Children would be kept in the hospital until toilet-trained.
- Men would be eager to talk about commitment.
- They wouldn't think twins were so cute.
- Sons would have to be home from dates by 10:00pm.
- Briefcases would be used as diaper bags.
- Paternity suits would be a fashion line of clothes.
- They'd stay in bed during the entire pregnancy.
- Restaurants would include ice cream and pickles as main entree's.
- Women would rule the world.
Monday, June 30, 2008
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Saturday, June 28, 2008
- Aaaack (aak) interj.
An utterance upon running directly into a spider web first thing in the morning - and you don't know where the spider is.
- Airhead (er*hed) n.
What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a policeman.
- Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n.
A discussion that occurs when you're right, but he just hasn't realized it yet.
- Balance the checkbook (bal*ens da chek*buk) v.
To go to the cash machine and hit "inquire."
- Bar-be-que (bar*bi*q) n.
You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up, but *he* "made the dinner."
- Blonde jokes (blond joks) n.
Jokes that are short so men can understand them.
- Cantaloupe (kant*e*lope) n.
Gotta get married in a church.
- Clothes dryer (kloze dri*yer) n.
An appliance designed to eat socks.
- Diet Soda (dy*it so*da) n.
A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half pound of peanut M&Ms.
- Eternity (e*ter*ni*tee) n.
The last two minutes of a basketball game.
- Exercise (ex*er*siz) v.
To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchasing.
- Grocery List (grow*ser*ee list) n.
What you spend half an hour waiting, then forget to take with you to the store.
- Hair Dresser (hare dres*er) n.
Someone who is able to create a style you will never be able to duplicate again. See "Magician".
- Hardware Store (hard*war stor) n.
Similar to a black hole in space - if he goes in, he isn't coming out anytime soon.
- Childbirth (child*brth) n.
You get to go through 36 hours of contractions; he gets to hold you hand and say "focus...breath...push..."
- Lipstick (lip*stik) n.
On your lips, coloring to enhance the beauty of your mouth. On his collar, coloring only a tramp would wear...!
- Park (park) v./n.
Before children, a verb meaning, "to go somewhere and neck." After children, a noun meaning a place with a swing set and slide.
- Patience (pa*shens) n.
The most important ingredient for dating, marriage, and children. See also "tranquilizers".
- Valentine's Day (val*en*timez dae) n.
A day when you have dreams of a candlelight dinner, diamonds, and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card.
- Waterproof Mascara (wah*tr*pruf mas*kar*ah) n.
Comes off if you cry, shower, or swim, but will not come off if you try to remove it.
- Zillion (zil*yen) n.
The number of times you ask someone to take out the trash, then end up doing it yourself...anyway.
Now the problem is, that despite the fact that Bubblegum Alley has been around for the past 30 to 40 years, it is being threatened to no longer be the landmark that it is. The Garden Street Terraces have been approved to be built in the downtown area. The proposed site is the block between Garden and Broad streets between Higuera and Marsh streets. The location is currently home to a parking lot, several stores, restaurants, bars and Bubblegum Alley. Do you see the problem?
I gotta figure out how to get them to more the proposed site. Yes, me, one person. But if you've been there and want to help with the campaign let me know. So what should the plan be? I know, I'll go set up shop and live in the alley. I'll chain myself to the walls. I'll picket! Yea, I'll picket.
Friday, June 27, 2008
- The female always makes the rules.
- The rules are subject to change without notice.
- No Male can possible know all the rules.
- If the Female suspects the Male knows all the rules, she must immediately change some of the rules.
- The Female is never wrong.
- If it appears the Female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding caused by something the Male did or said wrong.
- If Rule #6 applies, the Male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding.
- The Female can change her mind at any time.
- The Male must never change his mind without the express, written consent of the Female.
- The Female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.
- The Male must remain calm at all times, unless the Female wants him to be angry or upset.
- The Female must, under no circumstances, let the Male know whether she wants him to be angry or upset.
- The Male is expected to read the mind of the Female at all times.
- At all times, what is important is what the Female meant, not what she said.
- If the Male doesn't abide by the rules, it is because he can't take the heat, lacks backbone, and is a wimp.
- If the Female has PMS, all the rules are null and void and the Male must cater to her every whim.
- Any attempt to document the rules could result in bodily harm.
- If the Male, at any time, believes he is right, he must refer to Rule #5.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Here is a link to an article written by Health.com with their review of the device, Test-Driving the Wii Fit: Whee!. I thought it was very well
I've slacked lately. I need to get back on Wii Fit program!
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Yesterday. I received. My. Passport in the mail!!!
Yeah! And I didn't even expedite it. So much for 6-8 weeks.
I'm officially able to vacate the country temporarily to another country.
Where shall I go first...?
Monday, June 23, 2008
I've been very fortunate. So far, water hasn't actually backed up and spilled over or ruined the flooring. That's my fear, gushing water all over the hard wood flooring. Not a good combination!
Problem is, I can't wash clothes and go to the bathroom at the same time. Well, I could go to the bathroom, just not flush. But that's just icky! And boy howdy, don't take a shower too! And I definitely cannot wash two loads in a row, one after the other.
You see, it all starts with bloop bloop blooping in the toilet. Then the bowl fills up with bubbles. (I could see there this could be kinda tripy for some...) Next thing you know the shower drain starts to make noise the bubbles and water start to slowly rise. And the water rises. And it rises. And I start to panic. Then I start madly plunging the drain. Only to realize that the motion of plunging is causing the water to move which is threating to gush over the edge. So I stop plunging. And I stand there in fear biting my nails. The at last, I can't take it anymore! I lift the lid on the washer to make it stop. After sometime, the water will go down. Then I put the lid down and let it finish.
Let me show you what happens...
Roto Rooter Update (or other type plumber):
We were visited by a plumber late on Friday. And after much shoving things down holes and trying to clear the pipe, which some was, it was determined that roots were invading the main line. Stinkin' roots! After some himming and hawwing, we decided to let the plumber stick a camera down the main line to see how far in and how deep the exact location is. Well, it turns out that it is a majority of the pipe, about 48 feet worth. There was only one really bad root that we saw, but he pointed out many spots where they have poked through.
Hopefully, with what he cleared out I'll be able to have less problems temporarily.
So, anyone wanna help dig a long trench and install a main line...?
10. "I'm sorry, I've found someone more spiritual."
9. "I'm sorry, it's just not God's will."
8. "I feel called to the ministry...very soon and very far from you as soon as possible."
7. "I'm sorry, it could never work. I'm a sanguine and you're a phlegmatic."
6. "God loves me and must have a better plan for my life."
5. "You know, I feel like I'm dating my brother."
4. "At least I got a lot out of our Bible studies together."
3. "You need someone with lower standards."
2. "I think we should just be prayer partners."
1. "I do love you, but it's just agape now."
Top 10 Christian Pick-Up Lines
(most work best if you're a male...)
10. "I just don't feel called to celibacy."
9. "Did I tell you that my great-uncle was a personal friend of Billy Graham?"
8. "I don't see it myself, but people tell me I look like Michael W. Smith."
7. "What do you think Paul meant when he said, 'Greet everyone with a holy kiss?'"
6. "You have the body of Amy Grand and the soul of Mother Teresa." (do not get this confused!)
5. "You know, I'm really into relationship evangelism."
4. "I'm pretty flexible - I don't think a woman should be submissive on the first date."
3. "Before tonight, I never believed in predestination..."
2. "Just looking at you makes me feel all ecumenical."
1. "I hear there's going to be a love offering tonight."
Sunday, June 22, 2008
- Put miniature marshmallows in your ears, hum off-key loudly.
- Use your Mastercard to pay your Visa and vice-versa.
- When someone says "have a nice day", tell them you have other plans.
- Make a list of things to do that you have already done.
- Fill out your tax form using Roman Numerals.
- Tape pictures of your boss on watermelons and launch them from high places.
- Leaf through "National Geographic" and draw underwear on the natives.
- Stick a post-it that says, "Out to Lunch" on your forehead.
- Go shopping. Buy everything. Sweat in it. Return it the next day.
- Buy a subscription to "Sleazoid Weekly" and send it to your boss's wife.
- Pay your electric bill in pennies.
- Drive to work in reverse.
- Read the dictionary upside down and look for secret messages.
- Start a nasty rumor and see if you recognize it when it comes back to you.
- Braid the hairs in each nostril.
- Write a short story using alphabet soup.
- Stare at people through the lines of a fork and pretend they're in jail.
- Make up a language and ask people for directions in it.
- Bill your doctor for time spent in his waiting room.
- Calf up everyone in your rolodex; when they answer, say, "I must have the wrong number!"
Saturday, June 21, 2008
I noticed yesterday that my throat was a little scratchy. And today I woke up unable to talk, breath, not cough and not not have a kleenex shoved up my nose.
Friday, June 20, 2008
What should I title it???
So here are a couple options. Please tell me if you like them, or have a different idea. Just remember, the sooner I get it up and running, the sooner I can post recipes, and the sooner you can try them.
Ok, option time... :
- A Pinch, A Splash, and A Dash
- Don't Forget to Use Silverware (so good you'll want to eat it with your hands!)
- Finding Your Way Around a Kitchen (easy, simple, basic recipes)
- Go Ahead, Lick the Bowl!
So what do you think? Please, be honest. And get back to me soon. I'm anxious to start. I've already have some to share!
I went out front. Yea, I know, why would I got outside at 11:30pm? Well, I was unpacking a Rubbermaid box, that I keep dumping miscellaneous stuff in, and I found a packet of wildflowers. I thought to myself, "Self, you watered earlier, maybe if you sprinkle them in your flower bed you'll get wildflowers." Notice I was just going to sprinkle them, not go through the motion of actually planting them. So I walked out my front door and was just about ready to walk down the steps to do the sprinkly bit, and a thing walked in front of the steps. Not run or scattered, but walked. Oh boy howdy, if it wasn't the mama possum of the murder victim from last week.
Oh and there was fire in her eyes! She was big and she was out for blood and avengance. She looked like an R.O.U.S. from The Princess Bride. Her hair raised up and she threated to bite my big toe if I stepped off the porch. So I threated back that I was gonna get my gun and end this once and for all! She didn't like that, she she ran and hid under my car. I yelled so more profanity and threated to get the gun. By now neighbors are turning their porch lights on and coming out in their bathrobes.
The mama possum didn't like this, so she ran across the street. Oh no, she's going after my parents! Straight to the barbecuer. Too back I couldn't just snap my fingers and ignite it. Toasted possum anyone?
I called my mom. Actually, I called the house...no answer. I called my mom's cell...no answer. I called my brother...no answer. I called the house again...finally an answer! Mom wasn't too concerned that there is a possum wandering out by the catering barbecuer and wood pile. And dad wasn't home, no wonder the car was gone! I decided to wait. I didn't want dad to get out of the car and the vermin to attach his ankles. So I waited, and I waited, and after about a minute I got tired or waiting. From the top of the porch I sprinkled the seeds then quickly went back inside where I triple locked my front and back doors.
Until next time mama possum, you don't stand a chance. I'll sic my dogs on you, both of them! Riley has been teaching Izzie everything she knows about killing your kind!
Ok, now. Do you really believe all that? Truth of the matter this is what really happened...
Story about the seeds in the box is true. Seeing the possum is true. The not running part, true. Definitely walked, more like a waddle. The thing was walking one way across my yard right by the step, saw me, turned around and walked the other way where it hid under my car. My heart is now racing a two miles a minute and feels like it's going to leap out of my chest. I feared that the possum would sense my fear and take advantage of me. That S.O.B. of a thing!
After a couple minutes of me standing motionless on the porch, the thing decided to make a break for it and waddle across the street to the barbecuer/wood pile area. I did try calling the whole Montague clan that lives in Hilmar, and after the 4th call finally got someone. But mom couldn't help. Dad was delivering coffee to his crew at work (such a nice guy!). And my brother was gone (he's always gone).
I decided it was safe and the possum wasn't going to rush me from across the street. So I, while shaking, opened the seed packet (probably spilling half of them on the porch) and quickly tossed them into the garden.
I went back inside where my girls were anxiously awaiting my safe return. I told Riley, "Next time, she's all yours!"
Moral of the story. If you, or your dog, kills a possum's baby, she'll be back for revenge.
It's just a darn good thing I have vicious dogs that will protect me!
Thursday, June 19, 2008
So for fun, I'm letting you all in on the website that was linked in the e-mail.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
I meet my goal of losing 10 pounds by Jenn’s wedding, maybe not by my Weight Watcher’s weigh-ins, but by my own scale. I figured that was close enough. My second sub goal of my weight loss goal is to lose another 5 pounds by my class reunion on June 28th. By my own scale, I’m only 1.5 away from that. So I’m sittin’ pretty!
So here’s that chart showing my downward trend to skinnier me. Just as before, I’ve removed the actual weights on the y-axis for my own personal privacy. The dates and weights are based on my Weight Watcher weigh-ins that happens on Mondays.
I’m currently down 9.2 from my weight watcher weigh ins. I think I’m doing quite well. I know that every week I won’t have a loss, but if I can just keep those days to a minimum, things will go in the right direction. Literally!Please help keep me motivated, hold me accountable, and slap my hand if I pick up a cheeseburger. Thanks!
Anyone want to be a loser with me?
Monday, June 16, 2008
Little Nicky (TV): Ok, yea, I'm a little behind and haven't seen this movie. While working on my quilt yesterday, my viewing options were 1) Little Nicky, or 2) the US Open, which is like watching paint dry. So I watched Little Nicky. It was ok. Nothing that I'm going to make sure I watch again. And I dont' know if it's even on TV again and nothing else is on if I'll watch it. It's an ok movie if you can handle hell and hell jokes and mocking of heaven and angels. I say don't waste your time, but your call.
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Saturday, June 14, 2008
1 slice of whole wheat toast
8 oz. low fat or skim milk
4 oz. lean broiled chicken breast
1 cup steamed spinach
1 cup herbal tea
1 Oreo cookie
Rest of Oreos in pack
2 pints Haagen Daz ice cream
1 jar hot fudge sauce, nuts, cherries, whipped cream
2 loaves garlic bread with cheese
Large sausage and cheese pizza
4 cans o 1 large pitcher diet soda
3 Milky Way candy bars
Late Evening News
Entire Sara Lee cheesecake eaten directly from freeze
Rules for this
- If you eat something and no one sees, it has no calories.
- If you drink diet soda with candy bars, the calories in the candy bar are canceled out by the diet soda.
- When you eat with someone else, calories don't count as long as you don't eat more than they do.
- Food used for medicinal purposes never count, such as hot chocolate, brandy, toast, and Sara Lee cheesecake.
- If you fatten up the people around you, then you look thinner.
- Movie-related foods do not have additional calories because they are part of the entire entertainment package and are not part of one's personal intake. (Examples are Milk Duds, buttered popcorn, Junior Mints, Red Hots, and Tootsie Rolls).
- Cookie pieces contain no calories. The process of breaking cookies cause caloric leakage.
- Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something. (Examples are peanut butter on a knife while making a sandwich or ice cream on a spoon while making a sundae.)
- Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories. For instance, spinach and pistachio ice cream, cauliflower and whipped cream.
Friday, June 13, 2008
Don't fret. I'll still post them occasionally. Just not every day.
But I will still post something daily. Maybe some random questions that I've been trying to answer. Maybe a joke. And the quotes.
Now, when I post a random question. Please feel free to comment with you answer. In fact, I'd love it if you would do that.
I'll start it off right now...
When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?
The festivities (for us non-wedding party folk) started on Friday. Paige, Kaitlin, and I headed out of Hilmar before my parents so we could go to Monterey and visit with Chris for a bit before the wedding. We got to his dorm while he and his roommates were cleaning up (before they had to check out for the summer). We dragged Chris out and went to lunch at Pizza My Heart. The ceremony was held at the San Juan Baptista Mission where Bonnie grew up going to church. It was a beautiful site, very old and rugged.
Followed by a reception (#1) just up the road at a nice
By about 9 the next morning wer were moving about. Being as I got to drive in style, Mom's Pathfinder, and had extra room in the back, we loaded some of Chris' stuff up. He stayed behind in Monterey to clean up, pack up, and head home. The rest of us got into our respective vehicles, truck and suv, and started making our way down to the ranch (Santa Margarita) for another night of festivities, but this one with more family, friends, people, drinking, dancing, well you get the picture.
We got to the ranch around 11am or so. Setting up tables, chairs, and the bar was underway. But! We had another agenda. For my birthday, it was my request to have my birthday meal (knowing it would be a couple days late) at Firestone Bar & Grill for lunch. I love Firestone Bar & Grill. So we drove over the grade into San Luis Obispo (my old stompin' ground) where we walked around downtown and had lunch. Side salad with ranch for me with fries that we shared. That was my thing to order there. I know, boring. But it was delish!
Knowing that it was time to head back and offer our assistance, we left the (not so cool) SLO and head back over the grade.
Now this gets to be the point where I can bore you and post 248 pictures of my family, cousins, aunts, and all, goofing off and having fun. But I'll be nice and save most of those for a later day. So here is a nice selection of say...5. Yea, I'll narrow it down to 5. Maybe 6. But no more than 7! And I'll save the pictures of the ranch itself for later. You don't care what a barn built by the Indians looks like right now.
The Arnold women. At least the cool ones! Starting at the left going counter clockwise we have: Aunt Missy (mom's sis), Me, Aunt Kate (actually my mom's aunt and my great aunt, but she's mom's age, long story for another day), Paige, Mom, Tricia (cousin), Kaitlin, Aunt Boo (mom's sis), Whitney (cousin), and Breanne (cousin).
Kaitlin, my sister that is gone...forever...for the summer... maybe for fall too. *sniff* In case you're wondering, that is, uh, not an adult beverage. No, it's not! It's, uh, it's limeade. Yea, that's what it is. There is no tequilla in that whatsoever. In fact there's not beer in it either. Nope, straight, normal, plain limeade. Yea...
Shortly after the sun went down, and we were all tipsy enough, the dancing started. We, the cousins and I, realized that we do not have the dancing gene. But luckily, we were related to half the people there, so neither did they! Here's Paige gettin' down with her bad self!
And that's pretty much how we ended the evening. Some dancing. Some mingling. Some skipping out to go to bed (ok, that was just me). All in all, it was a wonderful weekend. Good to get away, good to see family, good to visit SLO. Just good.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
I'll be honest, the main reason I want to go is to see who has gained weight, had kids, been married and divorced (2 within my circle of high school friends), who married who. You know, the nosey normal stuff.
So, that's were I'll be on the 28th. Reminiscing about the good ol' days.
No, because at 5am my precious, stubborn dog, Riley, decided she wanted to go outside. And not wanting an accident inside, I let her out. Izzie followed, she's always up for going outside.
Now, let me start by explaining my evening and the doggie's new outside obsession. Last night, after dinner with the family (those still home), running into town with my Dad and then hanging out with the parents for a little bit, I took the girls (Riley and Izzie) home. Being as I currently do not have a dog door for the back door, I opened up the back door once home so they could run around and explore. That's what they do best, explore.
I noticed that Riley was a bit too interested in a particular corner of the yard. The corner shared with the Wickstrom's (next door neighbor) and the Schulze's (other side of the fence neighbor). She was busy trying to shove her chubby little body through a hole, she only got half of it through. Great! Just what I need, my dog to scoot to the other side of the hole into the Schulze's yard at 10:30 at night. So I brought them inside after much protest and treat bribbing, which didn't work as well as it normally does.
Well, this morning... This morning at 5 am (5 am people!) Riley started scratching at the bedroom door. Again, if she's gotta go "take care of business" it's not going to be in the house. So I let both she and Izzie out. And of course, Riley bee-lined it to that same blasted corner of the yard. So I ran though the house to grab a pair of flip flops. Luckily I was wise enough to put my glasses on before leaving the bedroom.
In the amount of time that it took me to grab flip flops and put them on (47 seconds), and then run to that corner in the yard (another 13 seconds) Riley, my little vermin catcher, had something in her mouth and she was chomping on it. This something had a tail, and tail bigger than a mouse. Eek! A rat! I'm quietly panicking because I don't want to wake the neighbors, lest you forget, it's now 5:01 am. I grab both dogs by the scruff of the neck to take back to the house. As I carry them to the house I'm praying that Riley doesn't get rabies and foam at the mouth, that she doesn't try to kiss me for the next 5 1/2 weeks, and that the tailed thing doesn't drag itself away in the minute it takes for me to toss the dogs in the house (while double checking that the door is unlocked) and grab a shovel.
Shovel in hand, I walk with my socks and flip flops (oh, did I forget to mention I had socks on too) to the tailed vermin thing. Now, at this point I was torn. Do I ... just-in-case-it's-not-dead end it, or do I just carry it to the trash can and pray for the best? I went for the clean route and carried it's little POSSUM body to the trash can. That's right, it definitely did not have the head of a rat. Thump, into the empty trash can it went. I went about my 5:02 am morning business and crawled back into bed. Riley was not allowed to join me, she had to sleep on her dog bed on the floor. Although, I think she was upset with me because I ended her fun, so she was fine with the floor.
Jump to 7am. Official planned time of getting out of bed. Dogs run straight to the back door. This time I had the insight to put flip flops on before letting them out. Riley ran staight to the corner, Izzie just ran around like a spaz. Riley was trying to find her "new toy" with no avail, so she moved on. Izzie realizes that there is a new smell and scopes it out. Oh, and she finds that there is a hold in the fence, Riley may not have been able to fit though, but Izzie can (she's a little petite thing). Distract, distract, run around the yard like a chicken, get their attention. I grabbed an extra fence board, propped it up to cover the hole, grabbed a stack of bricks to support the new board. Temporary solution. Problem diverted.
One problem still remains. And it's in my trash can. Curosity got the worst of me and I peeked in. And what I saw inside did not make my heart warm. A little (not baby, not adult) possum curled up in the corner looking at me! The nerve of it!
After getting ready for work I called my mom, told her don't let dad leave for work until I come over and tell them the story of my morning. Which I did, all the same detail as you got above. Dad's solution to the live tailed vermin possum thing in my trash can is to call Animal Control and have them take care of it. And "taking care of it" to them will probably be to relocate it.
After my dad left the room, and on my way out, I asked if my mom could just see if the brother could "take care of it" himself. I wouldn't want to subject some poor family in the vacinity of the relocation site to have to deal with the tailed vermin possum thing.
Oh, that thing better not try to get out of the trash between now and noon when the brother will start moving for the day.
Oh, and there better not be more things under the pool platform where this one came from.
And let this be known to all vermin in the neighborhood, I have a vermin-killin' dog. And she's training her daughter to do the same. You'll be a chomped on mess in worse condition than today's victim. So stay away or you'll be toast!
(You're welcome for sparing you pictures of the thing.)
(Also, please note, my dogs (at least Riley) do not actually eat the vermin, they just chomp 'em 'til they're dead.)
(Oh, and did I mention, my 5am outing consisted of me in my pajamas?... A t-shirt and underwear. I did not need to draw attention to my backyard, or get locked out. That would be bad!)
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Here is my current (old and rusted) frame.
Monday, June 9, 2008
My youngest sister, Kaitlin left at 7:30am to head off to Mission Springs Christian Camp in Scotts Valley, California to be a camp counselor. I'm extremely proud that she's going and having this experience.
But you see, it's gonna be hard because she and I have become super close the past couple years. And she's never lived away from home.
My poor parents, she's an empty nester.
Oh, but wait, they've got my slug of a brother home for the summer...
Please keep Kaitlin in your prayers. That she may not be homesick, that she will have a good time bonding with the other counselors and the campers, and that she may her faith grow in God grow by leaps and bounds, and it shine to others.
And keep my parents in your prayers, that they will have patience with my slug of a brother.
I need a wild hair...
Sunday, June 8, 2008
Saturday, June 7, 2008
Friday, June 6, 2008
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?
Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dish washing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
So, right now, I'm committing to being better at it. More about me. More pictures. More random rambling thoughts.
Anything else? What do you want? If you don't speak up, you're at the mercy of my time, thoughts, and life.
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee.
Law of the Workshop
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
Law of Probability
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
Law of the Telephone
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.
Law of the Alibi
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).
Law of the Bath
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
Law of Close Encounters
The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
Law of the Result
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
Law of Bio-mechanics
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
Law of the Theater
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.
Law of Coffee
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
Murphy's Law of Lockers
If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
Law of Rugs/Carpets
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.
Law of Location
No matter where you go, there you are.
Law of Logical Argument
Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.
If the shoe fits, it's ugly.
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it. (This one is true every time!)
If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. Don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.
— Dorothy Canfield Fisher
This is perfect for a belated Mother's Day! And since I didn't post anything for that day (cause I was at IKEA with my mother and father)... Here's to you Mom!
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
I once knew a girl who blogged (don't worry, I still know her), and I decided that I could do that too. Why not? What do I have to lose? So I started one. I wasn't consistant on when I posted, but then again, I'm still not. But I read her blog regularly. From there I found out that another friend has a blog, but she was even more inconsistent than I was/am. But that's ok, it's still good to read up on the going ons. I didn't venture out and view other blogs that often. Sometimes I visit his blog (even though he's a jerk and I don't like him).
Then one day while reading her blog I saw a link to this blog. So I checked it out, "hey, cool recipes" I thought to myself. And after looking around there a couple times I noticed that she had another site (since then both sites have been combined into one with more added). I love her site! I want to marry it. Not really.
And since then, I've found dozens and dozens and dozens, well you get the picture, of more blogs to read. Like her's, and, well, too many others to type in right now (plus they are all bookmarked at home).
I've even influenced my sister to start her own blog. Which will be good since she's looking to transfer to a college in the LA area.
And now I'm hooked. I'm a blog junkie.
Don't even get me started on food blogs!
I need help.