Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Ouch, my bum!

To start this out... I'm a KLUTZ!

Let me tell you about my Wednesday morning. I was walking down the stairs to go to work. It was about 7:30. I was carrying a puppy, this way he couldn't wander and piddle. Walking down the stairs, walking down the stairs, everyone in the house is sleeping, walking down the stairs. And just like you'd see in a cartoon, I fell. My feet came out from under me and I landed on my butt on a step (carpeted luckily), me head fell back and hit the edge of a step, and the puppy was airborne. I thought I was going to have a headache for the rest of the day. Nope. That went away. But I think I may have fractured my bum bone (the coccyx). It hurts. It's hurts to sit, stand from sitting, squat, bend over, walk, well, you get the picture.

So, moral of the story, no matter how bubbly you think your bum is, if you fall on it just right no amount of padding is going to save you.

The end.

Monday, March 26, 2007

Break me, oh God

I am broken. I feel like my life is in shambles and I'm spiraling out of control. I don't know what's wrong with me, which makes it even harder to deal with, because I don't know what to "fix". But what I do know is that piece by piece God is breaking my hard exterior shell.

I am thankful that God loves me enough that He wants to purify me, to conform me little by little into the likeness of His Son - gentle, broken, and humble before the His throne. I thank Him that He loves me enough to put me in the refiner's fire, a fire that leaves me so exposed and vulnerable, yet a fire that cleanses and purifies me as well. The Holy Spirit is cleansing the sinfulness from my heart and molding me into the likeness of His precious Son. Sometimes blessing comes in the form of pain. Let me not waste my pain, but use it for His glory and for eternal purposes.

God break me. Take my all. Shake me from the core. Cut me down that I might rely solely on You. Lord, my heart remains in your hands, because I know that my life is but a vapor before Your throne. God, change me that I wholeheartedly follow your plans for my life. Transform me that I might think more like You. Grant me the grace to follow Your will and run with Your thoughts.

Often, it is in our weakness, not our strength, that God is glorified, and it is in our brokenness that we find healing. I need to humble myself and let God break me again and again, in order to shape and mold me. God, only You can truly break me and make me new. God, break me even more if it is to Your glory.

Sunday, March 25, 2007


Why do I take everything so personally? I seem to take everything that everyone does as a hit against me, then I go sit in a corner and cry (really it's laying on my bed and crying). I didn't get a job I applied, therefore I'm a failure. I didn't get invited to go out with friends, therefore they hate me. A boy I have a crush on doesn't like me back, therefore I'm unlovable. Guys in general seem to not find me attractive (at least no one pursues me), therefore I'm dually unlovable. Why is it so hard for me to accept things the way they are and not take them so personally against myself? Isn't it enough that I am a child of God and that He loves and accepts for just the way I am?

Monday, March 19, 2007

Emo or Angry?

I was curious what the difference was between emo and angry people. So I thought I'd do a little search online for some answers. Unfortunately, my search didn't make it past Read the info below. If you know me, and you know how I've been acting lately, and you have some insight, please share.

"Emo is a somewhat ambiguous, controversial slang term most frequently used to describe a fashion or subculture which is usually defined to have roots in punk fashion and subculture, as well as some attributes of gothic fashion and subculture.

More specifically, "when referring to a person's personality and attitude, most definitions of emo hold that an "emo person" is candid about their emotions, sensitive, shy, introverted, broken-hearted, glum, and often quiet. Emo personality is also often connected with writing poetry, which addresses confusion, depression, loneliness, and anger, all resulting from the world's inability to understand the author. Emo poetry uses a combination of any of: a highly emotional tone, stream of consciousness writing, a simple (ABAB) or nonexistent rhyme scheme, references to the flesh, especially the heart, heavy use of dark or depressing adjectives, concern over the mutability of time and/or love, and disregard for punctuation, grammar, and/or spelling. Themes such as life is pain are common.

"Some definitions of emo hold that typical "emo persons" are likely to inflict self-injury, most often by means of cutting, burning, or otherwise mutilating themselves. Some assert that it is cool within the emo subulture to pretend to be suicidal and self-harm, or that participants self-harm purely for personal enjoyment." (1)

"Anger is a common emotional (physiological and psychological) response to a perceived threat to self or important others, present, past, or future. The threat may appear to be real or imagined. Anger is often a response to the perception of threat due to a physical conflict, injustice, negligence, humiliation or betrayal among other contentions.

"The expression of anger can be through active or passive behaviors. In the case of "active" emotion the angry person "lashes out" verbally or physically at an intended target. When anger is a "passive" emotion it is characterized by silent sulking, passive-aggressive behavior (hostility) and tension." (2)

So which category do I fall at this moment in time with recent emotionalism? I don't think I'm either. Maybe I'm feeling out of odds with myself lately, but I don't believe I'm angry. And I really don't think I'm emo, I just wanted to compare the two.

(1) All emo information found at
(2) Angry information found at

Tips! (and not monetary)

I get a daily e-mail from Daily Candy. And today they had a link to a website called Top Tips For Girls. Check it out, it's a pretty cool website. Have you ever wondered How to Be Happy, How to Polish a Handbag, or How to Solve Bad Breath? Well, this site has tips that readers submit for all to read. I highly recommend bookmarking the page!

Saturday, March 17, 2007

Twenty Things To Remember

1. Faith is the ability to not panic.

2. If you worry, you didn't pray. If you prayed, don't worry.

3. As a child of God, prayer is kind of like calling home every day.

4. Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape.

5.When we get tangled up in our problems, be still. God wants us to be still so He can untangle the knot.

6. Do the math. Count your blessings.

7. God wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts.

8. Dear God: I have a problem. It's me.

9. Silence is often misinterpreted, but never misquoted.

10. Laugh every day, it's like inner jogging.

11. The most important things in your home are the people.

12. Growing old is inevitable, growing up is optional.

13. There is no key to happiness. The door is always open. Come on in.

14. A grudge is a heavy thing to carry.

15. He who dies with the most toys is still dead.

16. We do not remember days, but moments. Life moves too fast, so enjoy your precious moments.

17. Nothing is real to you until you experience it, otherwise it's just hearsay.

18. It's all right to sit on your pity pot every now and again. Just be sure to flush when you are done.

19. Surviving and living your life successfully requires courage. The goals and dreams you're seeking require courage and risk-taking. Learn from the turtle, it only makes progress when it sticks out its neck.

20. Be more concerned with your character than your reputation. Your character is what you really are, whereas your reputation is merely what others think you are.

No matter the storm, when you are with God, there's always a rainbow waiting. Leave gentle fingerprints on the soul of another for the angels to read. I don't want to get to the end of my life and find that I lived just the length of it, I want to have lived the width of it as well. If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it. Happy moments, praise God. Difficult moments, seek God. Quiet moments, worship God. Painful moments, trust God. Every moment, thank God.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007


Today is my brother's 23rd birthday! There are 4 in between us, I'm older (do the math and you can figure out how old I am). Everybody wish Chris a very happy birthday!


Love, Your Sista

Sunday, March 11, 2007

How am I at fault?

How is one to know then they are supposed to defend someone or not? I just don't get it. Do you defend a friend when they aren't being talked about? How? Do you randomly bring them up in a conversation? Why? But what's irritating is that that person doesn't even care about the situation. I guess you have to know the situation to fully understand it. And I'm not going to rehash it because frankly I'm over it and have moved on. The past is in the past.

Those of you reading right now that know me, know that I am not a confrontational person. I avoid it at all costs. I avoid and ignore, if it directly involves me. I'll stew on it for awhile and get over it. That is how I deal with things. If I have that big of a problem with something, then (after some liquid courage) will I confront someone on something, but very rarely does that happen. So why would it be expected of me to automatically go outside my comfort area?

So for future, if you have something you want to take up with me and complain to me about myself please keep these points in mind:
1. Call, visit, or e-mail me. Do not try to converse with me regarding an issue via text messaging. I am not a fast texter, which ends up getting me more frustrated.
2. When you decide come to me about my faults (whatever they may be), don't forget you have your own. I'm most likely aware of them, and I may even have a problem with them. But (see above) I avoid and move on.
3. Remember that we are not the same person and handle things differently. I am a behind the scenes person while you may be a center stage, in your face person.
4. Do not choose that "special time of the month" to decided to yell at me for my errors in life. Let the hormonal period pass, then come to me.

That's all I got. Just had to get that out there and off my chest.

Friday, March 9, 2007

Words to Live By: Comforter

com-fort-er, noun:
1. one who gives strength and hope.
2. one who eases grief or trouble.
3. one who administers consolation.
4. Biblical: God's Spirit
5. Personal: God's Spirit who dwells in you.

The Comforter, the Holy Spirit whom the Father will send in My name, He shall teach you all things and bring all things to your remembrance, whatever I have said to you.
-John 14:26

The Lord does comfort. In the midst of my sadness and turmoil, I feel comforted by God's loving embrace. I can sit in the corner and pity myself, but I still for the presence of my Father surrounding me. Not only does the Lord comfort me, but He puts people in life that also comfort me in ways that he cannot; like a physical hug, and spoken loving encouraging words. I praise and thank God for being the ultimate Comforter of mankind and of me.

O my Comforter in sorrow.
-Jeremiah 8:18

Wednesday, March 7, 2007

Who likes a self photo?

Yep, I've got more. I really like this picture of me. And for me to actually say that is big! I was getting ready to leave to go to Monument.

This past Saturday before I went to the Guys' House for BBQ and a movie. I thought I looked good!

Changing of the Job Status

For those of you who know me, you know my current job status. But for those of you who don't, let me give you brief recap:

I really don't like my current job. I'm not going to say who it is with, but they are the world's largest single site cheese manufacturer. I've disliked it really since I started there, but I'm such a pushover I stuck with it. Well, I don't know if pushover is really the word, maybe I was just determined to make it work. After a year and a half my determination has not worked. So I've moderately seeking other employment that has much more potential to be either a) what I truly want to do with my life, my passion which is event planning, or b) something that I enjoy doing that pays decently with room for advancement within the company. I thought that my current employer would be a great place to advance, but after 3 failed attempts it is clearly not working. Mind you, these are failed attempts where it would come down to me vs. "someone else", and "someone else" had slightly an edge over me. My mom kept telling me that "God has a plan for you either there, or for you to wait there while something else becomes available somewhere."

This brings us up to December. I was mindlessly searching online for positions in the area that were of interest of me and I came across one. Angels sang a little in my head, I had found my dream position. a) a government job with the City of Modesto as their Events Coordinator (see above dream job), b) pays extremely well, like so well I could someday in the fairly near future be able to purchase a house, and c) God's timing, found position online on a Tuesday, it closes the next Monday filled out application and updated resume Wednesday, had a friend proof it Thursday morning before she flew out of the state in the afternoon, had it in the mail that same afternoon. God is great! A couple weeks go by and I receive a notice that I have an interview a couple weeks later. Panel interview happen. A little over a week later I receive a notice on how I scored in the interview and that IF I make it to round 2 I'll hear later. God is definitely testing patience by this point. Another week plus go by and I find out that I have a written exam on Valentine's Day. Praise the Lord I made it to round 2! The test happens(1 hour, 2 essay questions), with the help of the Holy Spirit I remember incidences that have happened to me in past experiences that helped me with the answers to the exam, feeling much more confident than I did when I started it. That was 3 weeks ago and I haven't heard anything. Of the 5 of us that took the test they will narrow it down to 3 for another round of interviews, this time with the Director of Parks and Rec. I've called a few times to find out what the status is, they are unable to give me information, not out of confidentiality, but out of they haven't done anything "We have a lot going on with other open recruitments" as I was told. God continues to test patience, praise God for His grace.

Which leads us to present day... A long time friend and neighbor of mine was working with my part time since moving home from Chicago. She was also looking for other employment and had a few leads. But she had a "backup plan", which was with a good family friend of hers at a very well known chicken manufacturer. Being that she was offered a job with her first choice she declined her "backup". BUT, I also work with her sister and best friend (she's just in a different department of the company) who then told me that if I was interested in the "backup plan" she's pass my info on to the family friend. I was contacted the next day, e-mailed my resume, and now have an interview with this company this coming Monday. Now, this position doesn't pay as well as the City job, but it pays better than what I'm currently making (really, it's not hard to beat). And within 6 months I'd be advanced a step or two to a Jr. Buyer from Purchasing Clerk D. The HR recruiter is very nice on the phone and seems excited to interview me. I think that I'm more experienced than what they originally intended the position to be, but she's excited that I have a college degree as that was a desired qualification.

So now, I ask for prayer and continued patience. I really prefer the job with the City, but I can't pass up opportunities for other positions in the meantime in case it doesn't happen with the City. But I don't know what I'll do if I have to accept before knowing for sure with the City. So maybe pray also that God will light a fire under the City's butt to get a move on with the position I'm applying for. Oh, I forgot to mention that the City wanted the position filled by the end of February... That's I'll I've got for you. Please remember me in your prayers. If you have any advice for me please pass it on. Thanks!

Tuesday, March 6, 2007

Why can't I just be happy?

I feel not like myself lately. And I don't like it. And I don't know what's wrong with me. Before when I was not happy (for days not weeks) I would at least felt content. Now I don't even feel content. I am easily irritated, bitter and annoyed, by stupid things. I hate feeling this way because I know that my spiritual defenses are weakened, and the devil works when people are weak. I just pray that God will help me through this and keep me strong. Please pray for me as well...

Sunday, March 4, 2007

Traveling to Washington DC

So in just a little over a month I'll be traveling to Washington DC with a friend to visit a college roommate and her family. I'll be there for about 5 days. I want to see as much as I can while I'm there, touristy and hidden spots. Send me a comment of places that are must see, as well as things that can be missed. Thanks!

Self Photo Time...

Those of you who know me, know that I take self photos all the time. You know, the kind where you hold the camera out in front of yourself and snap a picture, sometimes you can see part of your arm. Yep, those are the ones. Well, I take them quite often. So, every now and then I think I'll post a picture, of myself (maybe with someone else) taken by myself.

Valentine's Day, driving (yes, the vehicle was moving while I took the picture) to Chelsea's house for a Chocolate Party...

Dinner at Torii Japanese restaurant for Amanda's birthday...

Friday, March 2, 2007

Knee Mail

Rules from God

1. Wake Up! Decide to have a good day. "Today is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it." Psalms 118:24

2. Dress Up! The best way to dress up is to put on a smile. A smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks. "The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at outward appearance; but the Lord looks at the heart." 1 Samuel 16:7

3. Shut Up! Say nice things and learn to listen. God gave us two ears and one mouth, so He must have meant for us to do twice as much listening as talking. "He who guards his lips guards his soul." Proverbs 13:3

4. Stand Up! For what you believe in. Stand for something or you will fall for anything. "Let us not be weary in doing good; for at the proper time, we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good..." Galatians 6:9-10

5. Look Up! To the Lord. "I can do everything through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13

6. Reach Up! For something higher. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not unto your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He will direct your path." Proverbs 3:5-6

7. Lift Up! Your prayers. "Do not worry about everything; instead pray about everything." Philippians 4:6

God answers knee-mail.