Things That Irritate a Sane Person…

• You have to try on a pair on sunglasses with that stupid plastic tag in the middle of them.
• The person behind you in the supermarket runs his cart into the back of your ankle.
• The elevator stops on every floor and nobody gets on.
• There’s always a car riding your tail when you’re slowing down to find an address.
• You open a can of soup and the lid falls in.
• It’s bad enough that you step in dog poop, but you don’t realize it till you walk around your living room rug.
• The tiny red string on the Band-Aid wrapper never works for you.
• There’s a dog in the neighborhood that barks at EVERYTHING.
• You can never put anything back in a box the way it came.
• Three hours and three minutes after lunch you look in the mirror and discover a piece of parsley stuck in your front tooth.
• You drink from a soda can into which someone has extinguished a cigarette.
• You slice your tongue licking an envelope.
• Your tire gauge lets out half the air while you’re trying to get a reading.
• A station comes in brilliantly when you’re standing near the radio but buzzes, drifts and spits every time you move away.
• There are always one or two ice cubes that won’t pop out of the tray.
• You wash a garment with a tissue in the pocket and your entire laundry comes out covered in lint.
• The car behind you blasts its horn because you let a pedestrian finish crossing.
• A piece of foil candy wrapper makes electrical contact with your filling.
• You set the alarm on your digital clock for 7pm instead of 7am.
• The radio station doesn’t tell you who sang that song.
• You rub on hand cream and can’t turn the bathroom doorknob to get out.
• People behind you in a supermarket line dash ahead of you to a counter just opening up.
• Your glasses slide off your ears when you perspire.
• You can’t look up the correct spelling of a word in the dictionary because you don’t know how to spell it.
• You have to inform five different sales people in the same store that you’re just browsing.