Tuesday, December 16, 2008


I'll start with this, the conversation went better than I was expecting. But being as I really didn't know what to expect from it, it went ... well. It was decided that our status would drop from "relationship" to "friendship" and build on that, slowly. Dennis has a lot going on in his life, and he wants to get a grasp on it. Focusing primarily on getting back in step with God and what He has planned for his life. He is also dealing with a lot of guilt from the divorce and how it is affecting his children.

So, what does this all mean? I really don't know. We'll still talk, just not as often I suppose. We'll still text, but not as frequently throughout the day. Pet names will have to be dropped as well and the "I love yous" and "Muahs" (our way of sending each other a kiss). That part is going to be the hardest because my feelings for him are still there. But for him, I have to be strong and try to maintain a drawn boundary line.

I asked him on the phone last night if he felt any direction from God one way or another regarding us; he said no, which is part of the problem. He doesn't want to start a relationship and then bring God into it; he wants God to be the one to start the relationship and remain the center. I agree. Things for us did move fast, talk of the future happened early on before really getting to know one another on a deeper level. So it's more like we're starting fresh and not so intense.

So that's where we are. Please continue to pray. I know stress levels are high with the holiday season, and he's just in a season of his life feeling lost and without God.

One thing he did tell me was that he doesn't even know if God has it in His plan for him to ever remarry. And if he is called to, that it won't be for a couple years. I kinda had to remind him that that's what we talked about all along. Even when he explained himself to my parents he said that he's on a 12 year plan, really meaning 2 years. But I wasn't expecting a proposal in 2 months and to be married 3 months later. Obviously with our relationship being long distance we would need to have not only quality time on the phone growing, but also quality and quantity time face to face. And that comes with time.

So what does the future hold? I don't know. I don't know how long Dennis will take in his pursuit of getting right with God and dealing with what he has going on. I don't know if having a relationship together is in God's plan. I do know that I've never had any doubts, but have only seen confirmation from Him. But Dennis needs to realize that on his own. I'm willing to wait though if it's in God's plan. I accept his past, flaws (even though I don't see them as flaws) and all. After talking to my mom last night, both she and my dad accept him and his past as well. They see how happy he makes me, and that's all they want for their children...happiness.

So again, please continue to pray. Pray for me to be able to honor Dennis' wishes to build on a friendship without my feelings getting in the way. Pray that I can honor his request to have time for himself to really focus on his calling and God's will in his life. Pray that God is quick about this! Seriously! Is that selfish of me? Pray that God will be the center of our "...ship", which ever it is and will be. Pray that Dennis can release the guilt he holds onto. Pray that he'll be able to have a conversation about helping him with the kids and allowing him to have time to himself when he's not working sometimes. Pray that God strengthens our hearts and prepares us for what is to come.

Pleease continue to pray.

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