Update...

Alright, alright. So I know many of you are dying for an update on Dennis. And I've been meaning to post one for, oh, a couple weeks now. Life is happening so fast that I haven't had a break or a chance to breath.

More on that later.

So things with Dennis were going along, smoothly too if I might add. We were back to texting and talking regularly. I did not initiate any of the phone calls might I add. I got back from the cruise, after 4 days of no communication with him, and I told him that I missed him. I really didn't expect a response of any kind, and I really didn't get one right away. The same night I got home I got a call. We chit chatted some, then he got serious and asked he we could talk serious for a few minutes, he had a couple questions to ask me. Alright... I honestly didn't know what to expect. Well, he asked/mentioned that maybe he'd come down in a month or 2. Or maybe we'd plan a trip with the kids to Florida. Because you see "the kids" really miss me. They ask about me all the time. Elijah thinks I'm still at the hotel I stayed at up there, and he wants to come see me and have waffles (continental breakfast) with me. How cute! But Dennis, do you miss me? Well, yea, of course I do; I think of you often. Music to my ears.

2 steps forward.

So I thought, let's not get my hopes up too much. Let's not look too much into it. Let's not worry, or get excited, or start planning. Let's let him take care of it all when he's ready. Yeah right! I, within a few days of trying to not plan and worry or get too excited, started tracking and watching flight prices during late March to April.

Things continued as they were. Talking and texting. But never talking again about this potential trip down here or cross country. It was starting to drive me crazy though, cause I'm a planner. I want to plan this. I want to know when to expect him, what he wants to do, what days I should take off from work, where this leaves us. Inquiring minds want to know!

So I finally broke down and asked. That conversation didn't go so well. Dennis thinks maybe he spoke hastily about coming down. He's still trying to figure things out. He thinks I should date 1,000 guys, and can't understand why I'm not taken because I'm such a amazing person. And... Let's not talk for a couple months to give him time to figure out his life and what he wants. Alright, we've tried this before, he cracks within a couple weeks. So the rule is we can only hi every so often. I told him that I'll leave those up to him. Because quite honestly my "every so often" would be every other day. That was about a week and a half ago.

Of course, just the Monday before, I had sent a package of homemade cookies to him and the kids as well as valentines. (I know, I'm too nice!)

3 steps back.

Skip forward half a week later. I sent him a text with a simple question about a specific safe topic. All I wanted, and expected, was a straight answer. Which I got, then he started to tell me about things that are going on. Alright, so he ended up calling because it would take too long to text it all. The next day I re-asked my question hoping for a different, updated answer. I got an answer, and then he started to tell me about something else that's going on. I finally had to put my foot down and tell him that I'd love to hear all about it, but I'm trying to respect his wishes of time and space to figure things out, so please help me help you. That was a week ago.

He finally picked up his package from the post office last Tuesday. After many thanks you shouldn't have, no you really shouldn't have. I got a thanks they're really good.

Since last week, we've been communicating. I don't initiate unless I have a question that needs an answer. These questions have nothing to do with us and a relationship. And he knows that we shouldn't be talking, and he'll even say, "Since we're not supposed to talk, I have a message for you to pass on to Izzie," then he'll proceed with what he wanted to talk about.

And from afar, he's been there for me the past couple days with Izzie's death. But again, I'm not initiating. I'm not prompting. I'm not expecting. I'm respecting.

1 step forward.

So what does one do? Do I need to completely cut off all communication from him? Let me tell you, that would be really hard. Do I just keep at what I'm doing? Do I never mention "us" until he starts it? Do I just be a friend? But how can I just be a friend when I have such strong feelings for him still? I just don't know. I don't want to cut off communication with him. But I'm trying to respect his needs.

But... But wouldn't you think by the fact that he is the one that can't cut it off that that means something...? Why does he not realize that?

I'm afraid of taking backward steps again. I only want to go forward.