What Coulda Been

About a week ago I was notified by a friend that an ex-boyfriend of mine, while on duty, was in a car accident that has resulted in him becoming paralyzed. She later followed up by e-mailing me a link to an article about what had happened. Tragic and sad. But what can I do, you know?

To be quite honest, I'm neutral about it. Sure, I feel for James and what he has gone through the last couple weeks, and what he'll have to go through in the future; but I'm "eeh" about it. I do pray that he has people to support him and help him as he adjusts to life with paralysis. But he burned me many years ago. Sure, I've moved on and forgiven him, but not forgotten.

Maybe I feel this way because of the way things ended between us. Not good. Not nice. Not happy and mutual.

On my part not mutual. But God has a way of working out situations. He always does and always will.

I told Rylen about what happened and forwarded the article. She came and visited me at my desk later that morning and we talked about it some. You see, Rylen was there from the beginning of the relationship to the end and was always there for me. So she knows the history. She made a comment that really made me think though, "Could you imagine how your life were right now if the two of you had gotten married? Your life would be flipped upside down right now."

Wow! I hadn't thought of that. That thought hadn't even crossed my mind. If we had gotten married like we had talked about way back when (about 8 years ago) things in my life wouldn't have happened as they have. I'd probably be a mom by now. Maybe I would or maybe I wouldn't be married to a cop, because while we were dating James was going to school to become a history teacher.

I can't write what the past or the future could have or will be had he continued to be in my life. I do know this though, as much as my heart goes out to him during this difficult time, I'm glad that I'm not involved. I'm glad, estatic really, that God removed me from that relationship and moved my life forward. Sure it hurt for awhile, but it got better. Life got better. I've done things and experienced things that I may not have, actually I know I wouldn't have, done and experienced had the relationship continued and resulted in marriage.

Although, I'm curious to see how he uses this new handicap. If he uses it to become a motivation to others, or as a crutch or an excuse. If he uses it for the better then he has become a better man than I expected.

My prayers go out to him.

I really can't help but be thankful.

This just goes to show that life happens whether you're ready for it or not. But it's how you choose to live life in the now.