Saturday, August 15, 2009

Should I feel bad?

I'm leaning towards no. Actually, no, I don't feel bad.

Why do I not feel bad do you ask? Well let me tell you.

A little over a month ago my long, long time ago ex found me on facebook and requested to be my friend. Fine, whatever, I can do that. Then he wanted to chat, which kept cutting out so he asked me to text and we'd catch up. Fine, whatever. I figured a few formalities and we'd be done and not "talk" for another 5 years.

Well, he apparently is lonely (and rightfully so being as he was in a really bad accident while on the job and is not paralyzed) and started bugging me to stop by his parent's house to see him. I'm not so comfortable with this, for obvious reasons.

It got to be that he would text me every couple days. I was always courteous and would reply back. And just about in every conversation he was bring up me stopping by.

Finally I couldn't take it any more and I flat out asked why he wants me to visit so bad. (Pretty much because we haven't seen each other in at least 6 years, so why now?) He responded with "nevermind." No, I wasn't let that happen, so I pushed it. Why do you want me to visit so bad? His response, "I've made a life for the past 6 years 2 hours away and it would be nice to see a friendly face 15 minutes away. "

Ok, I am a friendly face, I'll give him that. But why would he think that I'd just drop things to visit him. I told him that I'm honestly busy and am hardly home myself, that I always have something going on. His response, "Even when I worked 70 hour weeks I still made time for people." Yes, you know, that's true, even when I'm busy I'll make time for people. But these people that I make time for are my friends, people who have known me for years and who lift me up.

So that conversation was a few weeks ago. And I haven't heard from him since. And do I feel bad about that? No.

I can't worry about being cold hearted because I didn't visit an ex boyfriend of mine that years ago broke my heart and now happens to now be paralyzed. I can't add that to my list of things to worry about. I've forgiven. I forgave years ago. But that doesn't mean that I've forgotten. And it doesn't mean that I've forgotten to the point to being chummy with him.

Can you see where I'm coming from?


Katilicious said...

I support your decision. It's not fair of him to expect you to visit him when you haven't spoken in that long. Don't feel bad!

Anonymous said...

Wow, that is mighty christian of you. Why are you guys the biggest bunch of hypocrites?

Courtney said...

What's hypocritical about it? Seriously, enlighten me. Just because what happened, happened years ago doesn't mean that I have to drop everything and befriend him. I've forgiven. Forgiven and moved on with my life, made friends, etc. But just because I've forgiven doesn't mean that I have to befriend this person.

FYI, as a Christian, a follower and believer in Christ, I don't claim to be perfect. I know I'm not, but I'm never intentionally hypocritical.