Random Thoughts...

No, these aren't my random thoughts.  Well, they may have been at one point in time.  Just some funnies for you.

• I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
• Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.  (That never happens to me, I'm always right.  Not!)
• I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to have fun."  Great, no one does.  But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they've invented the lighter?
• Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are suppposed to be going?  But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one is the surrounding area things you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.  (Guilty!)
• I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.  (I so wish I could use all the naps I refused.  I could sleep for days!)
• There is a great need for sarcasm font.
• Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had not idea what heck was going on when I first saw it.
• I think everyone has a movie that they love so much; it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people.  I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, them making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.
• How in the world are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?  (Yea, how are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?  I just haphazardly fold them however.)
• I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.  (It's like a challenge and muscle building all at the same time.)
• I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
• A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu.  Yeah, if you suck at it!
• Was learning cursive really necessary?
• LOL has gone from meaning "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say."  (So true!)
• I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
• Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".
• How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just smile and nod becuase you still didn't hear what they said?
• I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front.  Stay strong, brothers!  (This always happens on I5, love it!)
• Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in' examples, I will undoubtly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot.  Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes, that's G as in...(10 seconds lapse)...ummm...Goonies."
• What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?
• MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5.  I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
• Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
• I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.
• Shirts get dirty.  Underwear gets dirty.  Pants?  Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
• I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
• Bad decisions make good stories.
• If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.
• Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous?  Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem...  (I hate it when that happens!  Every time I'm faced with this kind of situation I get nervous.)
• You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.  (Hahaha....)
• Can we all just ignore whatever comes after DVDs?  I don't want to have to restart my collection.
• There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
• "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.  (To me it means wash on gentle with cold water and lay flat to dry.)
• I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV.  There's so much pressure.  'I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on?  I bet everyone is wishing we weren't watching this.  It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room.  Will we still be friends after this?'
• I hate when I miss a call by the last ring. (Hello?  Hello?  Dangit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail.  What'd you do after I didn't answer?  Drop the phone and run away?
• I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day.  What a waste.
• I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs on my iTunes.
• Why is a school zone 20 mph?  That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...
• As a driver I hate pedestrains, and as a pedestrain I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
• Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
• It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.
• I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
• Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what to do with it.
• Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, or Pinning the tail on the Donkey - but I bet my butt everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...  (Sometimes I even manage to turn off my alarm clock without knowing it.  Oops!)
• I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.
• I think the freezer deserves a light as well.  (Yea, cause then how are you supposed to sneak a spoonful of ice cream late at night?)
• I disagree with kay Jewelers.  I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Coors Light than Kay.