I've been feeling really lonely lately. Not totally sure why. That's a lie, I do know why. Maybe because I don't feel like I have someone that I can call anytime for whatever reason, or someone who will hang out with (doing something or nothing at all), or someone that I can talk to about anything. The person that has been that to me for forever just got married and they do a lot with other couples, which I am not part of one. Plus, I don't want to be disruptive to the new marriage. Another person that was that for me decided that I apparently not worthy of being her friend. I miss that friendship. And other people are all busy with new additions to their family, new group of friends that they hang out with, etc. So, it's just me, hanging out with my sister (love her!) and my doggies (lap warmers).
I know that as I get in this "nobody likes me everybody hates me guess I'll eat some worms" phase I tend to separate and alienate myself from people. I don't call, I don't drop by, I don't e-mail, I just disappear. Sad thing is, I don't see people truly searching for me when I disappear. Wow, really gives a reality check and shows me how valued I am.
I'm lonely because I'm lonely. I want a happily ever after, actually I'm not ready for the ever after part. I want the happily. I don't need the fairy tale romance. But I do want a prince charming. I want to be with someone, a significant other if you will. I want to find my soul mate, go through all the courting and dating, and then the engagement, and then the beginning starts with the ever after. But mainly I want the companionship that comes with it. But where do I start? Here in lies the problem. I become a hermit in my disappeared state and find "him" how?
That's it. That's me whining. That's me expressing myself and how I feel.