You Know You're Drinking Too Much Coffee When...

• You don't sweat, you percolate.
• Your life's goal is to amount to a hill of beans.
• When someone says, "How are you?", you say, "Good to the last drop."
• You'd be willing to spend time in a Turkish prison.
• Your coffee mug is insured by Lloyds of London.
• Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
• You ski uphill.
• You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
• You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
• The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake.
• You like your coffeepot clean.
• You spend every vacation visiting Maxwell House.
• The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
• Your t-shirt says, "Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's coffee."
• You can type 60 words per minute with your feet.
• All your kids are named "Joe."
• Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low."
• You buy milk by the barrel.
• You've worn out the handle on your favorite mug.
• You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
• You've built a miniature city out of the plastic stirrers.
• The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.
• Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
• Instant coffee takes too long.
• You want to be cremated so you can spend eternity in a coffee can.
• You go to sleep so you can wake up and smell the coffee.
• You're offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer.
• You name your dogs "Cream" and "Sugar."
• You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.
• You think being called a "drip" is a compliment.
• You don't tan, you roast.
• You can't even remember your second cup.
• You introduce your spouse as your coffeemate.
• You think CPR stands for "Coffee Provides Resuscitation."
• Your first-aid kid contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.