End of February Results

So I've made it through February. Two months of 2007 are gone. So let me give you a little update on how my New Month Resolutions are going:

1. Not step foot in Target for the WHOLE month - Success is mine! I did not step foot in a Target store ALL MONTH. And with that, my checking account stayed a little fuller.

2. Lose 5 pounds. Last month I lost 6.4. So this is totally doable - This was not a success. But I did lose, just now 5 pounds. That's ok though, I've got next month to make up for it.

3. Take a day trip somewhere - The going somewhere didn't happen this month, unless you count Modesto... Yea, I didn't think so.

4. Not mope on the dreaded Valentine's Day because I don't have a Valentine - Really can't judge how this one went. I spent the dreaded holiday with friends, so that was great.

5. Take my mom out to lunch - Mom and I are busy. I did make her dinner. Does that count?

6. Heavily pursue finding a new job - Haven't hurt from the City of Modesto since the written exam. Praying I hear from them soon, very soon.

7. Actively seek God in my day to day life worshiping Him and bring Him glory - This is one of those things that I will always strive to succeed at. I will always feel I'm not reaching God's expectations, but that is only the reason to seek harder. I have been challenged though the weekly Bible study that I am in and with Spiritual Formation Sunday mornings. Always a work in progress.

Update as of 2/28/07.

New Month Resolutions

My New Month Resolutions for March are:

1. Actively seek God in my day to day life, worshiping Him and bring Him glory.

2. No myspace. You still want to leave me a comment or message you can at my myspace page, I just won't be checking them until April 1st. And everyone can hold me accountable since it shows last login date on my profile.

3. No makeup. Yes, I'll still be wearing it, I just won't be purchasing it for the month. I have a ton of makeup, and it's time to reduce inventory.

4. Lose 5 pounds. Same as last month and the next 9 months of the year. Time to get serious, June is only 3 months away.

5. Exercise. I don't have to belong to a gym to do this. I am going to exercise in some form or another at least 3 times a week.

6. Go somewhere out of the area. I live so close to a lot, time to experience and enjoy it.

7. Target is back in the pictures, just in moderation. Time to shop only by a list of needs. And no, that does not mean that I'll be making the list as I shop. :)

8. Heavily pursue finding a new job.

And for the Lent season I have given up soda.

Why is it so hard to memorize certain things?

But it's easy to memorize other things. Why is that? What I mean is that I can memorize directions to a location, near or far by hearing it once. Maybe I need to write it down, but I hardly refer to the written directions. But yet when it comes to memorizing Bible verses, very important in the Christian life, I can't. Well, I can, it just takes me a LONG TIME. What is that?

Odd with own feelings...

Have you ever just felt not so right in your own skin? You don't know how you feel really? Just not right. Yea, well, that's how I'm feeling right now. And I don't know why which really irritates me. I'm not happy where I'm working. I'm not where I am in life that I thought I would have been. I feel slightly uncomfortable around some friends. I feel like I just can't do anything right no matter how hard I try. Let me tell you why I am feeling the way I'm feeling, maybe...

-I hate my job. There aren't many things in life that I hate, strongly dislike maybe. Hate is a very strong word that I (haha) hate to use. But I can truly say that I hate my job and everything about it. There have been many times, too many to count, where I almost grabbed my stuff and walked out. That's how miserable I am. I am currently in the interview process with a local City for their Events Coordinator. It is a step in the right direction towards my dream job/career. I like parties and I like planning, so why not combine the two and it a career. I'm not a very patient person and the waiting process for this job is definitely testing my patience. I keep telling my self and other, "If it's in God's plan for my life then so be it. I'm trying to live the life God has planned for me." And I do mean it, but part of me doesn't. I want things my way and I want them that way now. I'm human, it's human nature. But this position would be a huge answer to many prayers. And I truly pray that this is in God's will for me. The sooner I can get out of my current work situation the better. (If you know of anyone that is hiring in the Modesto/Turlock area, please pass the information on to me. Please keep me in mind if you hear of anything.)

-I'm lonely for 2 reasons.
1. I long for my soul mate. I don't know what God has in store for me and my romantic future, but I sure have a desire to be married and have children. When will this all happen? I don't know. Who will it be with? I don't know. I don't know if I already know the guy or have yet to meet him. What can I do to speed up the process? Besides not sitting at home all day long, nothing. It's all up to God. It's His plan that I'm (trying) patiently waiting on. (Anyone know of any good way to meet a good Christian guy?)

2. Friends. Yes, I have friends. But here's my situation. My best friend is practically engaged. I'm happy for her. But this level of commitment with someone involves a lot of time. It's been over a month since we've hung out, gotten coffee, dinner, ice cream. I do talk to her, but it's not the same. Although, this is the friend that right now can tell I'm in a really unhappy state and is concerned for me and my well being.

My other really good friend seems to not trust me completely. Not trust like I'm gonna go spread rumors, but not trust like not telling me things regardless of what you think I'll say. Maybe I'm just a nosy person, but why as a friend would you not tell me about a coffee date. Bring it up then say I wasn't going to say anything. I feel slightly betrayed, without being betrayed.

Then all my other friends, well, they're just all being odd right now. Maybe it's not them, but it's me. Singles moving in with married couples, marrieds wanting singles to move in with them, starting new relationships with a guy, another almost engaged friend, guys that I just can't quite figure out how to be friends with, etc. What do I do? I'm so at a loss.

-Current living situation. Well, no sugar coating it, I live with my parents, in a landing (you know that little "livable" area at the top of the stairs). I'm almost 27 and I'm living with my parents. I know I'm not the only one. But why? I'm not a fan of it. Unfortunately, due to the job I hate, I don't make enough to support myself living on my own will paying off debts. So here I am. On my bed in my 3 walled landing complaining about it. What am I trying to do about it? Well, for one find a new job (see above). This way I could afford to rent, hopefully buy, new living accommodation.

- I'm sick! Yes, I have a standard cold. The second one of the year. I'm a sniffly, stuffy, tired, yellow snot mess. At least it's a cold and not the flu or a worse virus.

So what am I going to do about it all:
1. Pray
2. Seriously look AND apply for new job
3. Love on friends (I'm a lover not a fighter or confronter)
4. Soul mate...???
5. Pray
6. Save money. New job pay more. Get roommates.
7. Take throat coat and drugs and herbal junk.
8. Oh, and pray some more.

Hopefully with time this "funk" will pass. Please pray for me and my well being. Because I just don't feel well. And no, it's not "that time of the month" :)

Happy 10 week Birthday Puppies!

The puppies have made it to 10 weeks! They are officially 70 days old. That equates to 1.43 years old in dog years! They are totally different from each other. But luckily they have each other to wear off some of the pent up terrier energy.

Quick update:
Monty: Big Brother, 7 pounds (he's a big guy), fuzzy and getting fuzzier, calmer of the 2, big paws


Izzie: Lil' Sister, 5 pounds (see the difference), quick like her mom, easily excitable, not sure if she is going to be smooth or broken coat but so far smooth, most active of the 2



Here are a few more pictures for your enjoyment

Day off...

Everyone (just about) got today off from work except me. My work place stinks! In my opinion, if post offices and banks are closed, so should just about every other small town business. Just wanted to share that with you all.

Half Way Mark!

So I've made it half way through February. Not that I wasn't going to make it... But February is half over, how about that? So let me give you a little update on how my New Month Resolutions are going:

1. Not step foot in Target for the WHOLE month - So far so good. Haven't stepped foot in Target.

2. Lose 5 pounds. Last month I lost 6.4. So this is totally doable - Haven't reached the 5 pounds yet. Don't know if I will honestly. Have lost .6 pounds (do you plural .6?) But I'm still going to try to get to 5 for the month.

3. Take a day trip somewhere - Haven't gone anywhere yet. But in a dream my family bought this outrageous 5 story house near the coast somewhere. It was fantastic! Still 2 weeks to go somewhere.

4. Not mope on the dreaded Valentine's Day because I don't have a Valentine - Trying to not mope. Trying to praise God for all that he has given me. My plan for today is to help my parents cater at Hilmar Covenant Church's Valentine's dinner. Then good to a friend's for a chocolate party.

5. Take my mom out to lunch - Still time to fulfill this one. Mom and I did go run errands in Turlock today. Hallmark (for V-day card shopping for Mom) and Costco.

6. Heavily pursue finding a new job - Written "test" tomorrow afternoon with the City of Modesto for the position that I applied for and have already interviewed once with. An old friend just sent me a link for a company that is hiring, so I will be looking into and pursuing those also.

7. Actively seek God in my day to day life worshiping Him and bring Him glory - This is one of those things that I will always strive to succeed at. I will always feel I'm not reaching God's expectations, but that is only the reason to seek harder. I have been challenged though the weekly Bible study that I am in and with Spiritual Formation Sunday mornings.

Update as of 2/14/07.

I strongly dislike Valentine's Day...

Here are some great graphics for the Anti-Valentine Dayers, like myself.





So here's to a Happy Valentine's Day! Now it's time to eat chocolate!

How to receive a compliment?

I love compliments just as much as anyone else. And I do my best to take them graciously. Over the course of the last year I have received more or less the same compliment from numerous people, some of whom I barely know and barely know me. It goes something like this, "Courtney, you have a kind, gentle heart. You are a very nurturing person and someday you will make a great mother. You know how to be stern but compassionate at the same time. You are always taking care of people and things, and you do it well." How do I take that? Me, I see my life slipping away for that opportunity. Yea, sure, I'm only 26 almost 27. BUT! I'm no where near dating anyone right now. I'm no where near becoming someone's mother. So, how do I accept those compliments? Well, I thank them of course, as tears well up in my eyes and I try not to show too much emotion towards my greatest fear.

I know all the self doubts that I have come from Satan. And with the help of God I can make it through the temptations to give in to the self doubts. But it still rips me up inside. My one desire in life, after following God with all my heart, is to be a wife and a mother. Maybe God is leading these people in my life to say those things to me as a way of reassuring me that yes, someday it will happen. I can only pray that that is true.

But you see, I had (still have) a plan. Married by 24, children by 27/28, then married/family life from that point on. And still, as I have passed those planned ages of having accomplished life marks, I mentally still plan. Well, if I met a guy tomorrow, we'll date for a year or so, engaged for a year, married (now I'll be pushing 30), well, can't wait now too long for kids so instead of 4 years of just being married and enjoying ourselves having fun and traveling we'll knock it down to 2. That's the kind of dialog that goes on in my head.

I am a planner and an analyzer. Hence the problem, how do you accept a compliment about being a nurturing, gentle hearted great mother of the some days in the future...?

New Month Resolutions

I'm not so good with the whole New Year's Resolutions. Just like everyone else I end up breaking them 2 months into the year. That's why I've decided that this year I'm going to have New Month Resolutions instead of New Year Resolutions. Little short term goals that are more attainable that year long goals. My NMR for February are (not in any particular order):

1. Not step foot in Target for the WHOLE month. I shop there way too much, a lot of times just because I'm bored. And I don't walk out of there without buying something and spending at least $30, once or twice a week! It's time to take a break and see if I come out ahead and not in the negative. Honestly, I can get the basics that I need at the grocery store.

2. Lose 5 pounds. Last month I lost 6.4. So this is totally doable.

3. Take a day trip somewhere. Monterey was January, maybe Sacramento or San Francisco for this month.

4. Not mope on the dreaded Valentine's Day because I don't have a Valentine. But rather rejoice because God has good things planned for my life and each new day is a day closer to meeting my future mate.

5. Take my mom out to lunch.

6. Heavily pursue finding a new job.

7. Actively seek God in my day to day life worshiping Him and bring Him glory.

What are some resolutions that others have?